Thursday, December 31, 2009

Heartless Comments of 2009!

Getting it out of my system here in 2009 so 2010 is nothing but 'positive vibes'!

BTW- this also serves as a fair warning to all you stupid people out there who have EVER said any one or combination of these lines to an infertile!!!! Just saying... Your warning has been served. :-)

"Just adopt. We would love the baby the same but maybe then you would be relaxed enough to get pregnant naturally."

"You're too fat to get pregnant."

"God won't bless you until you learn what He is trying to tell you."

"Maybe you aren't meant to have children?"

"Take mine for a day. You'll change your mind."

"If you can't afford IVF, how are you going to afford a child?"

"I wish you could take some of my excessive fertility for yourself."

"You have nieces/newphews right? Don't they count?"

"You're so young still. Why stress yourself out?"

"Why have kids as they only cost money and cause stress?"

"Do you really want sleepless nights, your house smelling like poppy diapers, extra laundry to do, and the hassle of going anywhere?"

"Just Relax..."

It upsets me just writing these! Stupid people!!!!! This is not even close to all of the 2009 collection of heartless comments made but you get the idea.

I want sleepless nights. I want my house smelling like poopy diapers. I want to carry a diaper bag along with my purse and toys everywhere I go. I want my car to be trashed with baby items. I want the added expense of kids. I want to be a young mom. I WANT TO BE A MOMMY DAG GUM IT!!!

Being a mommy also brings the heart melting when your child gives you that first smile. The first belly laugh. When he/she says 'mama' for the first time. When they raise their arms for you to pick up and snuggle knowing your love and touch takes away all their pain and frustration. They mimic you. To see them learn new things because you taught it to them. The first steps, to you, as they simply want to be with you. And so much more!

I want this more than my heart can even bare. I want to have the same feeling my mom has for me {and my brothers} that no matter what we say or do to upset her, she'll always love us. That mother/child bond. I want to see Charles look at his son/daughter for the first time just as I have seen of the captured moments from friend's with the new dad's looking at their children in utter amazement and awe.

Wanting all this so much my heart hurts and then having someone stupid make any of the previous statements, or many more not mentioned, just sets me on fire. Why do people feel it necessary??? To think it necessary that since I have never been a mom I can't possibly have that longing feeling so desiring to be a mom and yet they can as they know what it's like to have a child call out to you to comfort them when sick or hurting.

Let's get all of these heartless comments we've had made to/at us out of our system so that we can go into 2010 with only positive and encouraging thoughts!!!

Here's to 2010 full of babies {please us too!!!!} and dreams coming true!!!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Heavy Hearts...

No words.

...Just a broken heart for my friend Jessica. She lost her dad today. Please go lift her up by keeping her and her family in your thoughts and prayers...

...And a weary heart for my friend Cathy and her 'tweedles' as she has been battling contractions so please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as well...

Monday, December 28, 2009


And the results are in! :-) SO very excited, really!

It's confirmed, I'm A- {Charles is +}. Fun stuff, huh?

My non-fasting Glucose levels went from 105 {08/09} to 85!

My TSH went from 1.88 {08/09 after being on Armour Thyroid for about a month} to 0.09!!!!!!! Let me just say that this explains soooooo much now! My resting heart rate has been higher than usual. It will start to race for no apparent reason. Yep. It's way too low now! The goal is between 1-2 for goodness sake!

My T3 was 134 and my T4 was 9.7.

Hep B & C, RPR {syphilis test} and HIV are "non-reactive". Good thing I assume.

Rubella Antibody {IGG} came back at 3.34. The reference range says this is Positive. The explanation says, "The presence of Rubella IGG Antibody suggests immunization or past or current infection with Rubella virus." What does this mean????

FSH is 3.5 {my lowest yet!}
LH is 4.6 {Again, my lowest!}
So it's very similar so still indicative of PCOS???

Prolactin was 6.5 {Can't find previous results to compare...}

Estradiol was 34.

Still pending the results for Anti Mullerian Hormone, Testosterone, and Inhibin B.

I'm gonna say it... I'm excited! I believe that the Vit D3 is truly helping my body function properly!!!! The only other two things I've done new {always on the multi vitamin} were take 720mg of Red Raspberry Leaf and 800mg of Vitex every day for two straight cycles. I was off these two things for four days when I had my blood drawn. Not sure if it was still in my system or not but I'm back on it for this cycle. :-)

So I'm going tomorrow to our family physician and see what he says about my TSH. I'm already on the lowest dosage so just go off of it or what...

So do you have any experience with Vitex, Red Raspberry Leaf, or Vitamin D3 and improving of labs??? :-)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Soldier's Angels

I recently learned about this program via a high school friend whom I reconnected with via facebook. Gotta love FB! :-)

Anyways. I signed up! Such a wonderful feeling it is to help others, especially those who are putting their life on the line so that I, we, may be FREE!

If you pay $1 you are automatically verified and giving your Soldier's name {you can choose to do a three month commitment where you write one letter a week or you can choose to do a one time care package} right then.

After signing up, I looked at to check out shipping. WOW!!!

Then I googled some more...

And I came across a website that stated the USPS has graciously allowed a discount on the large flat rate boxes as long as they are being shipped to an APO/FPO address. It's a large flat rate box for $11.95 on a 12" X 12" X 5 1/2" box! Think of the goodies that could be sent!!!! :-) WOW!!!

I'm so excited to be doing something to send our appreciation to our troops abroad who are missing their home. Their families. Their friends. The common luxuries of soap, shampoo and condition, tooth brush, tooth paste, etc.

So won't you join me and so many others to send care packages to our troops???

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

11 MORE Vials

Who could have guessed I had 11 more vials of blood in me that were available for the taking today??? I never would have guessed...

But they did.

11 more vials of blood taken today after my SHG and AFC... The traditional start of cycle blood work and an infectious disease panel. Interesting.

But first. :-)

I found everyone to be very pleasant! It was a beautiful space. Very open and welcoming. Not like a traditional Doctor's office. Dr. Ahlering was very easy to talk to. During the SHG/AFC, I informed him that I had very high expectations as I personally know three people whom are pregnant after going thru IVF with him. Two with twins and one with a singleton. He laughed and said that he would do the same for me but he does not take orders on singletons or twins. haha! :-)

The SHG went well. It started out with the nurse telling me about it and then when she compared it to the HSG {which I had a few months back in March}, I told her I felt nothing from that she immediately stopped talking and said, "oh, this will be a breeze then! Not telling you anymore." And out she walked... That made me feel much more comfortable about it. She was right. I felt absolutely nothing. Okay. I felt the speculum enter but that's it. YAY!

Said that my uterus looked great. I do have a fibroid that he is not worried about at all due to the location and tiny size. No polyps. Great shaped.

My ovaries had like a total of 15 follicles ish on them and he said that it could be borderline PCOS {hahaha! Yep. Looks like we're back with that diagnosis...} and that the blood work would confirm it or not. But that all looked good.

So we have a follow up phone consult January 8 to go over the blood work and develop a POA... :-)

So my blood tests I had today {I so asked the gal for a copy of the tests so I could have it as I was not about to remember all of them!}

FSH, Hepatitis B, LH, Prolactin, Rubella Immune Status, Total T3, Total T4, TSH, Estradiol, CBC, ABO Group and RH Type, Hepatitis C Antibody, Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, Total Testosterone, Anti Mullerian Hormone, HIV, Inhibin-B Elisa AND here, RPR {test for Syphilis}.

So, anyone know anything about any of these confusing tests?? Besides the obvious ones... :-) {I googled and think that the links to the weird ones are what they are... Thoughts???}

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Cake

Who doesn't enjoy some cake?? Especially colored red and green with white icing and green sprinkles!!! :-) I know I sure love it {okay, admittingly, this is my first go at making a "Christmas cake"}! Sent it off with Charles to work... Pretty proud of myself though as I think it turned out pretty well, pretty. :-)


Monday, December 21, 2009

The Plan!

Before I ever even made the phone call to Dr. Ahlering's office I received an e-mail from him detailing what tests he wants to do on both me and Charles!

1) DNA Frag testing with MSA and SCSA on Charles' swimmers. {Not sure what those stand for but whatever}. I later found out that the facility that does this testing does not accept insurance. They are cash or check, only! WOW! It is like $500 for this!!!

2) NKA testing for me. {It's Natural Killer something, maybe Antibodies?} Again, the facility that does this test does not accept insurance. Cash or check only. It's $305!

Yes. We're looking at $805 in CASH that we may be able to be reimbursed on if we submit to insurance. Not something we'll be doing for at least a few months...

3) Do a Hysteroscopy to check out my uterus. {This will be pending the results from the 4 & 5}

4) Antral Follicle Count to be done on Wednesday, December 23!

5) Sonohysterogram also to be done on Wednesday, December 23!

6) Traditional Cycle Day 3 blood work {which will actually be done on Cycle Day 4 but was told that is perfectly fine} along with an infectious diseases panel... That's a new one! haha!

So I'm excited but hate we'll have to wait on the blood work until after Christmas. Oh well. At least I'll immediately know the results of the other two! :-)

So based on these results, Dr. A will recommend either more IUIs or moving onto IVF... Big stuff!!!!!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Bad News, Good News

Whenever I am asked the question of, "I have good and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" I generally say the bad news as the good news probably goes along with it and I'd rather have the last thought be good than bad.

So, I'm asking you. Good news or Bad news??

The bad news {If you want the good first, scroll down and then come back up to read this. :-)}
~My period finally started this morning. That sucks. I still, even after my last pity party post was just sure that this was going to be our cycle... So many things were so different this go around! My temps were high and steady. I did not have any of my usual pre-menses symptoms. My only 'symptom' was this burning type cramp in my lower abdomen. My first time ever having that. It started about 10 days past ovulation and just ended today, when my period started. ;-(

The good news
~I will be calling Dr. A's office tomorrow morning, first thing, to see if we can't get this ball rolling again!!! :-) Whatever blood work he wants to run again would need to be done on Tuesday {Cycle Day 3} for the most accurate results. Plus I will ask about the SHG test and when he wants that done as well. Also ask about Charles having the Krueger Morphology Semen Analysis done {his first and only Semen Analysis came back perfect so no reason so suspect anything, just checking again as it has been over a year}.

Although this is now officially our 41st cycle trying for a baby, gotta love irregular cycle lengths, it is also nice that 2010 brings a whole new world of possibilities as for treatments! This is absolutely awesome and we are so blessed that infertility coverage is apart of our insurance! We are very much looking forward to 2010 and {hopefully} bringing home our baby just in time to bring in 2011 as a growing family!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My latest God-given Song

Kutless, "What Faith Can Do"

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You do have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Consult move to TOMORROW!!!! :-) **Updated**

**Updated** -
Had the consult. Unfortunately, it did not turn out as expected. Not necessarily bad though. The office had a computer problem so they ended up closing early so we were moved back to a phone consult. Boo, but it turned out okay.

He wants me to call as soon as my period arrives so we can get the testing early in the cycle as he wants to do more blood work along with a Sonohysterogram and based on those results will recommend doing more IUIs or moving onto IVF...

It's fair to say he does not know enough of my history to completely recommend one over the other yet so that's cool. Looking forward to moving on though!

I forgot to ask but Jessica informed me she did... Said that the February IVF cycle still has openings so that would be awesome if we could jump into that cycle!!! :-)

So all in all, it went pretty much as every other 'consult' I've had... It's the red tape of RE's! hahaha! So now, we wait... And wait some more... :-)

**Original** -
Today I received a phone call asking if I wanted to move up my appointment with Dr. Ahlering from a phone consult on December 23 to a face-to-face consult, TOMORROW at 3pm!!!


So tomorrow afternoon is our consult!!! Sooooo excited! Will let you all know how it goes and what's said but until then, if you want to learn more about the SHER Institute and Dr. Ahlering, have at it!

And, if you can... Go wish Jessica good luck at her consult appointment tomorrow with Dr. Ahlering at 4pm! Crazy story...

Age differences or just Child differences?

This post is probably going to be all over the place. Sorry. So many thoughts going in different directions and I'm not too good at organizing my thoughts...

The older I get {yes, I realize I'm only 25 but each year that passes by seems to quadruple my age, or so it feels!} the less I feel like an equal to my peers. We find it sometimes difficult to 'fit in' with others our age.

Us? No child.

Them? {Usually} 1-3...

No fear. Let me explain... :-)

Society expects us to have {at least one child anyhow} children by now. After all, we've been married for six years. That's the natural course, right??

We thought so.

God didn't think so.

Hence, 3 years, 11 months, and 7 days since we decided to expand our family, still childless.

I hate when people ask how old I am or how long we've been married. I know the exact question to follow, "So. When are you going to have children?" "Haven't you been married long enough?" "You're in your prime." UGH!

I feel like a majority of my 'equals' are mommies. Conversations become so different. Priorities, so different. It helps, some, that I can contribute to conversations and such thanks to all my experience with children, but it's not the same. It helps {in my mind anyways} that we are not parting people. We enjoy a good night in with good company, good conversation, and good games. We can certainly, and are, friends with couples who have children. We're not that infertile couple that cannot have anything to do with children until we have one.

So what makes the most difference, do you think??

Age or lack of child?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

May be on a break BUT...

**Edited to clarify. We're only on a 'break' from fertility meds, not naturally trying...**

Just because I'm on a 'break' does not mean I stop hoping and trying when I suspect ovulation is nearing... UGH!

This only leads me to get my hopes way up this cycle as I was for sure this was going to be our cycle. The cycle we finally become parents and our dreams come true.

This is the first time, since October 2006 when I began charting my basal body temperature, that my chart has been different. They always say that when things are 'different' is when you'll actually be pregnant.

I have had such a peace and even had this random thought that it would be December 21 when I would get that positive home pregnancy test and thus, I have no desire what so ever to test before then {I am a self proclaimed pee stick addict so this is huge coming from me!}. The only way I would not be on my period December 21 is if I was indeed, pregnant.

But by my usual pre-period symptoms and my temp dropping like crazy, all signs of impending doom, I won't be taking a home pregnancy test December 21. I won't be announcing I'm pregnant, yet. I won't be miserable with morning sickness that is only confirming that I have a baby growing in utero. Nope.

Instead, I at least feel like I have something to look forward to although the cramps remind me of my motherless state, still. I am excited for the consultation with Dr. Alhering December 23 and the consultation with Dr. Pearlstone February 3!!!!! :-) Both really good things to come!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Google Analytics.

Two word answer to the one question I've been asked many times since I posted my last post, this morning! hahaha!

I learned about Google Analytics over a year ago and have fallen in love with it! Once you register your site, it not only counts how many hits but tells you the keywords used to find your site, location of visitors, time spent on site, new vs returning visitors, etc. So many features but I only know/care to use a few at this point. I blog for my own therapy, for fun, and to stay connected to others!

I, as you can tell, love reading the keywords used to get to my blog! Some hilarious, some freaky. It's all very interesting. :-)

So there you go. A 'secret' to how I roll, err, blog. Happy analyzing!

Grape Juice???

**ETA 12/30 that I found where the Grape Juice link came from! This post where I was asking for help on how to get it out of a cream sweater!!! :-) hahaha!**

I always find it rather amusing, and frightening at the same time, what keywords people use to locate my blog. Yesterday I was getting a chuckle out of it when I came across someone using "Grape Juice to make ovulate". I do not recall ever posting anything on this especially since I had never heard of it before!

After I googled this, I only found posts on the 'benefits' of Grape Juice prior to Ovulation. I didn't spend a whole lot of time now but will certainly google again at a later date just for the heck of it.

But until then, anyone know anything about grape juice to induce ovulation??? I'd LOVE to hear about it... :-)

BTW- some other keywords used to find me include my name, all butchered spellings included. Tonsil Stones. hahaha! I'll never live this one down... Infertility. Empty Arms. Dead/Cold-water/Limp tail. Thanks Jill. And lots of infertility keywords. Interesting I tell ya... :-)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

According to...

The old wives tale with the pencil, needle, and thread...

We will have three children.

Boy, Girl, Girl to be exact.

I was referred to this old wives tale at this blog and so I made hubby do it with me. The first time he did it over my right wrist and it said girl, girl, boy. Over my left wrist with him holding, it say boy, girl, girl. Then again over my right wrist in a different spot and again boy, girl, girl. Then I did it and it said boy, girl, girl. When I held it over Charles' wrist, nothing.

What was weird though, the blog directions say it spins for a really long time, close to a minute, when it says it is done and after the third 'child' it just stops all together. No circles at all.

I also read that it 'reads' miscarriages too. Don't chemical pregnancies fall into that category? If so, I've had four and well it only says I'm going to have three children...

Anyways. It was all in the name of fun. Certainly not running out to buy all boy stuff and get things ready for our first born to be a boy or anything. :-)

So, anyone else try it??? Do tell your 'results'! :-) I thought for sure it would not do anything, indicating we wouldn't have children! haha!

But I do have an issue with it. You see. I've always wanted 4 or 6 children. An even number. None of this odd number stuff. So what gives??? haha! Guess we'll just have to see what happens huh?? :-)

**I did it again and back to back it said girl, boy, girl, boy. So yeah, again, all in the name of fun!**

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Leading the Way

As you all know, we have an appointment with a new RE in 1 month, 3 weeks, and 4 days. {Not that I'm keeping a countdown or anything} We're very excited about this appointment and I have already decided that even if I *miraculously* end up pregnant before hand, I'm still going to the appointment as it's too dag gum difficult to get in as a new patient!

In this whole waiting time, hubby and I have been anxious to get the ball rolling. To do SOMETHING, now. I took it upon myself yesterday to call Dr. Ahlering's office, from The Sher Institute, and just verify if they take our new insurance... The coordinator I spoke with said YES! I had to control my squeals to semi loud as the boys were napping upstairs. haha! So I was e-mailed (I love the 'high techy' feel of the office using e-mail and the web for communication!) *another* new patient file to fill out and send back. I have a phone consult with Dr. Ahlering on December 23 at 4pm!

{Why Ahlering? Well, I know three people that have been to him and all three are pregnant! Cathy pregnancy and TTC Blog, Maureen, and J! Not to mention the numerous amount of couples that travel from all over the world to see him...}

So I'm telling Cathy about our appointment and asking what she suggests I should ask and all when she informs me that one year ago this month they had their consult with him... Then she looks. December 23 exactly was their first consult with him as well!!! How crazy is that???? I would be ecstatic if we followed suit with any of these three ladies IVF cycles!

Yesterday I needed to get a little more hope as it was such a good/bad day all day long! The day before, a dear friend had her baby girl! Congrats Cindy and Robbie on your baby girl Hadley!!! Yesterday a long time friend, Erin had her baby boy! Congrats Erin and Nate on your baby boy Eli!!! Another friend, A, sent me a photo of her latest u/s of the twins she naturally conceived while on BCP...

But thankfully, I was able to talk to an IF Sister, Traci! She is such a blessing in my life! We have been to some of the same Doctors and boy can the stories just flow! haha! Mostly bad so they won't be shared... It was just nice to talk to someone right then who understood the good/bad day I had had. I imagine she felt the same after the experience she had yesterday! {Once she posts about that event you'll so have to read it as it is almost amusing how insane it was!!!}

Tonight, I am meeting up with Jessica, someone I just recently met via the blogging world. I'm so excited to just chat and share life with her! We have quite a bit in common on paper so this should be exciting. :-)

Can I just say how absolutely wonderful it is to have other infertiles in my life!!! It is nice to read other's blogs, to know people via the WWW but it is so much different having that person sitting across from you. To give/get a hug and feel that you are truly cared about. Other infertiles, people who understand. Truly. If I just make the single statement, 'someone *else* is pregnant'. No need to explain why it hurts so bad. No need to fear being thought of as a selfish and ungrateful woman. Instead I know without any said words that they understand. It is an unsaid language that millions, unfortunately, speak.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Lost Stork Foundation, Christmas Update!

I'm working as hard as I can on getting Lost Stork up and helping others! The more stories I hear/read on others who so long for a family yet just cannot afford the big bang $15,000 or heck, even $3,000 gamble on medications or treatments just breaks my heart! So please know that each story I hear is that much more of a motivator to push even harder to get Lost Stork going so these couples have one less concern when it comes to expanding their families... I know it takes one baby step at a time but in those baby steps, it feels the end is so very far away yet when I look back I see how far Lost Stork has already come! That is exciting!

I hope to get some things clarified {needing to contact a lawyer to get this clarified} and then figuring out how to pay for the filing for the 501 (c) 3 status early 2010! I have heard it takes about 6 months to get the awarded documentation.

All this is great yet really is pushing my intended deadline too... You see, I hoped for the kick off annual event to be held in early November 2010 {October is Breast Cancer awareness month and they have events all month long in every city so don't want to 'compete' with them in securing city events.} and with each passing day, that kick off event feels like it becomes less and less attainable...

I get so overwhelmed with all that needs to be done with Lost Stork. It's been a good distraction though and certainly keeping me busy! I'm still so very excited about it {regardless of the amount of paperwork I'm having to keep track of!} and cannot wait to see all the couples who become parents because of Lost Stork!

Not sure really where I was going with this post other than to say I'm so excited {still, with every piece of mail that comes in I do a mini jig right in my kitchen when it is addressed to "Lost Stork Foundation"!} but wish the fun could finally begin! :-)
Of course, and to show off what Lost Stork Foundation got for Christmas from my mom and Ray and my dad and Jodi! :-)
Tote bags... So neat!
Mom, Charles, and myself all have Lost Stork Foundation shirts!!! :-) How neat is that??? I was going to share the photo of us wearing them but it's on my cell and photobucket is being stupid and not accepting my transfers from cell to computer... So that will have to wait and this will have to do. A dirty, wrinkled shirt. But you get the idea, right?? :-)
And a gift card to Staples from Dad and Jodi! So I need to take inventory and stock up on office supplies for Lost Stork so they can bring it up when they come for Christmas since we don't have a Staples here... :-(

I cannot express into words how moved I was to receive these items for Lost Stork Foundation. To know that my parents believe in the cause, that they believe in me for pushing onwards... It just makes me smile and eyes fill with tears from excitement! I feel so small and yet this is one mighty huge task that I know can only be fulfilled with God's help... His moving mountains for me. It's all apart of our story. {Funny story on that to come tomorrow perhaps?? :-) See, I'm doing good at getting everything out there, clearing my brain and looking for thoughts, encouragement, questions, something from you all! :-)}

Monday, December 7, 2009

Vitamin D!

***Edited- Thanks so much for your input! I have started taking 2,000iu of D3 along with 500mg of Calcium/Magnesium supplementation to help absorption. I read it can take two months to it to fully get in your system so we'll see what happens. :-)

Melissa, funny you point out that your pregnancies have all been in summer months... Hubby says it makes total sense as that is when nature peaks {all animals reproduce the most then} with reproduction and the sun is at it's highest? Something along those lines anyways. So I'm excited to see what happens with me {any whoever else is jumping on board with me on this! :-)}.

***Original Post-
My mom sent me an e-mail a few days ago full of information when it comes to Vitamin D, or lack there of.

This triggered my own googling fanatic where I found oodles and oodles of information where Vitamin D deficiency has been linked to Infertility. {Everything has been linked to infertility for goodness sakes!}

After much reading, I decided to pull out my incredibly large file I keep on all stuff related to Infertility. I found my previous blood work results and sifted thru.

I then came across all the Thyroid testing I had done back this past Summer.

Ah-ha! I found it! I had been tested for Vitamin D serum levels!

According to the lab it went to, normal levels are 30-100. Everything I had read online says 50 is the lowest normal.

Mine came back at exactly 30. So either way, I am either borderline deficient or very deficient. In learning this, I went straight to the store and picked up Vitamin D along with a Calcium/Magnesium supplement {These are needed for the Vitamin D to absorb properly} and started popping pills!

Do a google search yourself or just check out these links that I found!

Interesting huh??? :-)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Too many thoughts!

Ever had too much going on in your brain to post about just one topic??? That's about how I feel right now. Which is really why I slacked so much over the last couple of weeks. Honestly.

So much I want to say yet I just do not even know where to begin!

Topics include...

Adoption. Fertility treatments. Vitamin D. Diagnosis'. Diets. Birthdays. Traditions. Christmas. New Years. 2010. Houses. Dogs. Weather. Church. Lost Stork Foundation. Family. Friends. Heartless statements of '09. Impending births. 20 yet not quite 30 but feeling the clock tick. IVF. Surrogacy. Thyroid. Doctors, in particular Dr. S and Dr. P. Insurances. Financial Savings Account amounts. Infertility support group. Books. Photos, yet lack of. Names.

Wow. Now that the topics are written out I feel better that I hopefully will not forget to blog about anything {but I just know I'm forgetting something or a few off that list...} yet overwhelmed by the amount and feel confident in saying that by the time I even get half way thru the list will evolve into more and it'll just grow!!! AH!

So, where to begin? With Adoption? ABC's? Names and just go backwards? Randomized?

I am just putting way too much thought into this so I'll just start.

Hi. My name is Meghan and this is my list of topics on my mind. Any thoughts?? :-)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

For All Children.

I came across this video today. So powerful. So amazing I watched it twice back to back. I have worked with children for a very very long time. I am currently a nanny for twin one year old boys. Although only one, their temperaments are already blooming right along with their sweet little personalities. I have a huge impact on them. I do not take it lightly, that is for sure, because I have seen first hand what children do and say when their parents/caregivers do not realize the impact they have on the child. Everything from learning the words they say to the actions they have. This video is just one of the many reminders that they do, and will, absorb every single thing you do and say. Like it or not.

I have been told numerous times that I lived a "sheltered life". That may be so from others perspective but I believe it was the best like for me.

I did not hear curse words from my parents, other family members, or TV. The occasional slip up occurred but we knew better than to repeat it. I did not see alcohol but a few occasions. I was shown only love for others, regardless of our different backgrounds. We were expected to use our manners, at all times. My parents did for others what they could- Made dinners. Helped fix items. Opened our house for others to have a roof over their heads too. Watched others children. Whatever my parents could do to help out, they would. My home was filled with lots of laughter. Lots of love. And lots of fond memories. Every child deserves this.

And for this reason, I want to do the same for our children. People will talk. People will disagree. People will put down. That is okay. As my mother in law says, Charles and I have the right to make our own decisions and mistakes for our children just as every other parent has had the same right.

I love seeing Charles go out of his way to help an elderly or disabled person in the grocery store reach an item, open a door, or load an item. Charles is very polite and has great manners as well. Why yes, I do not believe myself or Charles is perfect, I try to find the positive aspects that I love and hope are passed right along to our children. I know the good and bad go together but hope that our children get mostly the good from each of us.

So for anyone and everyone that has any impact at all on a child, please remember that they are little sponges and absorb every single thing you do and say!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Photos. Some. From Thanksgiving 2009!

And here are a few of the photos from Thanksgiving in Georgia! I stop here as Blogger is acting stupid and taking WAY too long! Lost my patience. :-)

My mother-in-law with four of her Grand daughters.

Me, Casey, Hannah, Erin, and Tiffany at Erin's baby shower. We're missing Shelby and we'd have our 'group' together again. {Notice my shirt? Not really. But mom and Ray got us embroidered Lost Stork Foundation shirts! More on that all later...}

Caitilen, eldest niece {of these three anyways}.

Tori, second oldest niece {of these three anyways}.

Payton, third oldest niece {of these three anyways}
Charles with his Aunt Virginia.

Us with A's boys, Cole and Caleb.

Me and A.
Aren't we just the most affection family you've ever seen??? :-)
Matthew, Me, Mom, Ryan, and Daniel. Except for mom, oldest to youngest. And in case you were wondering, I'm 5'8". I have some TALL brothers.

Us with mom and Ray the first day we saw them. My first trip to Hobby Lobby. :-)

Taking it back, Thanksgiving style!

Since I never updated how our trip to Georgia over Thanksgiving went, I'm taking it back a week to do just that!

{Oh yes. I didn't tell you. We went to Georgia so we could be with family over Thanksgiving. Let's just say that 8 days of family is wonderful yet overwhelming!}

Let me start by saying that it was one emotionally draining week!!!!!

We spent the first evening with my Aunt J and Uncle J. It was so lovely seeing them as they are always such great company! This year was particularly hard though as it was the first time we were to see my Uncle J since he had been diagnosed with lung cancer a couple months back.

We spent time with my parents, brothers, long overdue friends, and Charles' family... {next post will be 100% photos as it is just way too many to add here!}

The emotionally draining part of the visit was everywhere we went, BABIES were there! Literally!!!!

I went to a dear friend's baby shower. My mom has u/s photos of "Little Guy" up on the fridge {Ray's daughter-in-law is expecting their miracle after IVF and m/c in Jan I believe}. My dad has u/s photos of "Savannah" on their fridge {Jodi' daughter's baby to be in late Feb I believe}. My oldest brother made talk about adopting a child from India come early 2010. {WHAT???} Spent time with my dear friend A who not only has two children but is pregnant naturally with twins. Newest niece, six month old Allyson, was there. It was asked of us from Charles' elderly Aunt and cousins when we were going to have 'that boy' and on and on and on. {They were too old to get into the discussion of WE HAVE BEEN TRYING THANK YOU VERY MUCH! so you just grin and nod and plaster that fake smile.} BABIES, BABIES, BABIES!!!!

Not to mention the heartless comments made by others during this week who all KNOW our history and our desires to become parents. Some people... ARGH! I guess it comes with the territory of letting people in, you have to risk having them be heartless and hurt you.

Hence why this post debuted. Smack dab in the middle of it all and not a soul to talk to. Not a soul that understood. Or so I felt, while in the middle of it all... But you all that left comments brought such great comfort to me that I am NOT alone and you DO understand! I cannot thank you enough for that encouragement when I needed it the most!

I even got drunk. My first {and last} time. I broke. I resorted to the only thing I thought would take away the pain. That would stop the world from turning for just a moment so I could catch my breath, compose, and move forward. Unfortunately, all it did was make me greatly ill and miserable physically.

I cried so hard and so long on this trip. It was supposed to be all enjoyment. All wonderful spending so much time with family and friends. And it was. Don't get me wrong. But now I am ever so grateful that we do not live back in Georgia in the midst of all this. I am grateful that we could 'escape' back to our home and only enter back into all this when we picked up the phone at our will to do so. I became so grateful that we love everyone we saw yet space is so wonderful too...

One of my most favorite parts of the entire week though had to been spending time with our nieces! How I love and miss those girls dearly!!! We crammed on the couch watching movies. Walked around the acreage the in laws have. Had girl talk. Played games. Laughed. The stories. The fun. Just had an amazing time with them!

It was so sad saying bye to everyone yet after 8 days, I think we were all ready to part ways for a bit. Maybe we'll stick to shorter visits that happen more frequently... :-)