Blonde hair, Blue eyes

This past weekend, before the news of my Uncle's passing, I had such a pleasant dream. One that is different in pictures but same story line...

This particular dream included Charles, myself, and a beautiful six month old baby boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was ours. Not genetically ours though. We had adopted him.

In the dream, everyone {not sure who exactly} kept saying how much he looks like Charles {Charles was a toe head baby with blue eyes} and that just made a new daddy even prouder!

I have had such a gambit of dreams. I don't know what they all mean! Are they really just my subconscious processing and wishing all this would happen?

I've had two dreams where I had a positive home pregnancy test. I've had countless dreams where we adopted a baby. Some with a girl, some a boy, some with gender unknown. I've had a dream where I was pregnant and one getting ready for childbirth. I have had the same exact dream more than once too.

I love these dreams though. I constantly try to think about them and keep the great feeling I wake up with all day long. I love it in the dream where I proudly say to someone that this is my baby...

What do you make of dreams???

Rejoicing, for him anyways.

Early this morning, my Uncle Jon passed away.

Last night my dad called to inform me that he was back in the hospital and it would be soon.

Thankfully. Yesterday he was surrounded by loved ones, including his wife, both his children, his grandchildren, and extended family.

He did not suffer long. His pain was being controlled. For this we are thankful.

Although comfort is found that he was welcomed into heaven with wide open arms as he was a believer. It still is so sad that we will no longer see him here on this earth.

Charles and I are so grateful that we were able to spend a wonderful evening with them while we were in Georgia over Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful visit and love them both very much.

{Darn tears}

I only wish I would have gotten a picture of the four of us...

We will leave early tomorrow morning for Georgia to spend time with that side of the family and say our last "Goodbyes"...

Positive thoughts for 2010!

Now that we got that all out of our system, let's officially end 2009 and enter 2010 with only positive thoughts!

Here's to having a baby in "the Year of the Tiger"! "...are fond of competitions..." "...well liked because of their charming personalities..." "...Natural leaders..." "...Good strategists and tacticians..." "...straightforward and uninhibited in nature..." "...flexibility and often recover quickly..." "...gentle and full of sympathy..." "...stubborn and selfish..." "...pride in being different..." "...natural born leaders..." "...rashness and hesitation..."

{Not that I really believe all that. All in fun.}

Even years are better years anyway. Who would want an odd year baby?? ha!

So here's to 2010 being full of Joy, Happiness, Love, Peace, New found hobbies, New Friends, Old friends, Family, and dreams coming true...

Not to mention. It seems that 99.9% of everyone I know {which happens to be a lot} pregnant or just given birth had a girl in 2009 or is due to have a girl early in 2010... So, maybe 2010 is the year of the boys???? :-) hahaha!

Heartless Comments of 2009!

Getting it out of my system here in 2009 so 2010 is nothing but 'positive vibes'!

BTW- this also serves as a fair warning to all you stupid people out there who have EVER said any one or combination of these lines to an infertile!!!! Just saying... Your warning has been served. :-)

"Just adopt. We would love the baby the same but maybe then you would be relaxed enough to get pregnant naturally."

"You're too fat to get pregnant."

"God won't bless you until you learn what He is trying to tell you."

"Maybe you aren't meant to have children?"

"Take mine for a day. You'll change your mind."

"If you can't afford IVF, how are you going to afford a child?"

"I wish you could take some of my excessive fertility for yourself."

"You have nieces/newphews right? Don't they count?"

"You're so young still. Why stress yourself out?"

"Why have kids as they only cost money and cause stress?"

"Do you really want sleepless nights, your house smelling like poppy diapers, extra laundry to do, and the hassle of going anywhere?"

"Just Relax..."

It upsets me just writing these! Stupid people!!!!! This is not even close to all of the 2009 collection of heartless comments made but you get the idea.

I want sleepless nights. I want my house smelling like poopy diapers. I want to carry a diaper bag along with my purse and toys everywhere I go. I want my car to be trashed with baby items. I want the added expense of kids. I want to be a young mom. I WANT TO BE A MOMMY DAG GUM IT!!!

Being a mommy also brings the heart melting when your child gives you that first smile. The first belly laugh. When he/she says 'mama' for the first time. When they raise their arms for you to pick up and snuggle knowing your love and touch takes away all their pain and frustration. They mimic you. To see them learn new things because you taught it to them. The first steps, to you, as they simply want to be with you. And so much more!

I want this more than my heart can even bare. I want to have the same feeling my mom has for me {and my brothers} that no matter what we say or do to upset her, she'll always love us. That mother/child bond. I want to see Charles look at his son/daughter for the first time just as I have seen of the captured moments from friend's with the new dad's looking at their children in utter amazement and awe.

Wanting all this so much my heart hurts and then having someone stupid make any of the previous statements, or many more not mentioned, just sets me on fire. Why do people feel it necessary??? To think it necessary that since I have never been a mom I can't possibly have that longing feeling so desiring to be a mom and yet they can as they know what it's like to have a child call out to you to comfort them when sick or hurting.

Let's get all of these heartless comments we've had made to/at us out of our system so that we can go into 2010 with only positive and encouraging thoughts!!!

Here's to 2010 full of babies {please us too!!!!} and dreams coming true!!!

Heavy Hearts...

No words.

...Just a broken heart for my friend Jessica. She lost her dad today. Please go lift her up by keeping her and her family in your thoughts and prayers...

...And a weary heart for my friend Cathy and her 'tweedles' as she has been battling contractions so please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as well...

Results!

And the results are in! :-) SO very excited, really!

It's confirmed, I'm A- {Charles is +}. Fun stuff, huh?

My non-fasting Glucose levels went from 105 {08/09} to 85!

My TSH went from 1.88 {08/09 after being on Armour Thyroid for about a month} to 0.09!!!!!!! Let me just say that this explains soooooo much now! My resting heart rate has been higher than usual. It will start to race for no apparent reason. Yep. It's way too low now! The goal is between 1-2 for goodness sake!

My T3 was 134 and my T4 was 9.7.

Hep B & C, RPR {syphilis test} and HIV are "non-reactive". Good thing I assume.

Rubella Antibody {IGG} came back at 3.34. The reference range says this is Positive. The explanation says, "The presence of Rubella IGG Antibody suggests immunization or past or current infection with Rubella virus." What does this mean????

FSH is 3.5 {my lowest yet!}
LH is 4.6 {Again, my lowest!}
So it's very similar so still indicative of PCOS???

Prolactin was 6.5 {Can't find previous results to compare...}

Estradiol was 34.

Still pending the results for Anti Mullerian Hormone, Testosterone, and Inhibin B.

I'm gonna say it... I'm excited! I believe that the Vit D3 is truly helping my body function properly!!!! The only other two things I've done new {always on the multi vitamin} were take 720mg of Red Raspberry Leaf and 800mg of Vitex every day for two straight cycles. I was off these two things for four days when I had my blood drawn. Not sure if it was still in my system or not but I'm back on it for this cycle. :-)

So I'm going tomorrow to our family physician and see what he says about my TSH. I'm already on the lowest dosage so just go off of it or what...

So do you have any experience with Vitex, Red Raspberry Leaf, or Vitamin D3 and improving of labs??? :-)

Soldier's Angels

I recently learned about this program via a high school friend whom I reconnected with via facebook. Gotta love FB! :-)

Anyways. I signed up! Such a wonderful feeling it is to help others, especially those who are putting their life on the line so that I, we, may be FREE!

If you pay $1 you are automatically verified and giving your Soldier's name {you can choose to do a three month commitment where you write one letter a week or you can choose to do a one time care package} right then.

After signing up, I looked at usps.com to check out shipping. WOW!!!

Then I googled some more...

And I came across a website that stated the USPS has graciously allowed a discount on the large flat rate boxes as long as they are being shipped to an APO/FPO address. It's a large flat rate box for $11.95 on a 12" X 12" X 5 1/2" box! Think of the goodies that could be sent!!!! :-) WOW!!!

I'm so excited to be doing something to send our appreciation to our troops abroad who are missing their home. Their families. Their friends. The common luxuries of soap, shampoo and condition, tooth brush, tooth paste, etc.

So won't you join me and so many others to send care packages to our troops???

www.Soldiersangels.com

Merry Christmas!

11 MORE Vials

Who could have guessed I had 11 more vials of blood in me that were available for the taking today??? I never would have guessed...

But they did.

11 more vials of blood taken today after my SHG and AFC... The traditional start of cycle blood work and an infectious disease panel. Interesting.

But first. :-)

I found everyone to be very pleasant! It was a beautiful space. Very open and welcoming. Not like a traditional Doctor's office. Dr. Ahlering was very easy to talk to. During the SHG/AFC, I informed him that I had very high expectations as I personally know three people whom are pregnant after going thru IVF with him. Two with twins and one with a singleton. He laughed and said that he would do the same for me but he does not take orders on singletons or twins. haha! :-)

The SHG went well. It started out with the nurse telling me about it and then when she compared it to the HSG {which I had a few months back in March}, I told her I felt nothing from that she immediately stopped talking and said, "oh, this will be a breeze then! Not telling you anymore." And out she walked... That made me feel much more comfortable about it. She was right. I felt absolutely nothing. Okay. I felt the speculum enter but that's it. YAY!

Said that my uterus looked great. I do have a fibroid that he is not worried about at all due to the location and tiny size. No polyps. Great shaped.

My ovaries had like a total of 15 follicles ish on them and he said that it could be borderline PCOS {hahaha! Yep. Looks like we're back with that diagnosis...} and that the blood work would confirm it or not. But that all looked good.

So we have a follow up phone consult January 8 to go over the blood work and develop a POA... :-)

So my blood tests I had today {I so asked the gal for a copy of the tests so I could have it as I was not about to remember all of them!}

FSH, Hepatitis B, LH, Prolactin, Rubella Immune Status, Total T3, Total T4, TSH, Estradiol, CBC, ABO Group and RH Type, Hepatitis C Antibody, Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, Total Testosterone, Anti Mullerian Hormone, HIV, Inhibin-B Elisa AND here, RPR {test for Syphilis}.

So, anyone know anything about any of these confusing tests?? Besides the obvious ones... :-) {I googled and think that the links to the weird ones are what they are... Thoughts???}

Christmas Cake

Who doesn't enjoy some cake?? Especially colored red and green with white icing and green sprinkles!!! :-) I know I sure love it {okay, admittingly, this is my first go at making a "Christmas cake"}! Sent it off with Charles to work... Pretty proud of myself though as I think it turned out pretty well, pretty. :-)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!