*Not the best birth story to read if you're currently pregnant. Scroll down my blog a few posts and read that birth story. It's dreamy and all things perfect!
*No pictures. Maybe one day I'll share those too. I gained 60 lbs this time, double what I did the first three times. I was so very swollen. So swollen. My skin hurt. Every step I took it felt like my skin was going to rip apart.
June 26 started with snuggles despite the ball of nerves I had in my stomach on what today would hold. At 11am my midwife came by and did a membrane sweep. I was a "loose one, not quite two". I walked. I bounced. I tried a Meyer's Circuit despite the horrendous pelvic pain I was enduring.
I had an appointment with the "wonderful OB" at 430pm. I have a proven pelvis. I have had three vaginal, uncomplicated deliveries. This will surely be easy, just a nudge to kick start my body. All encouraging statements made to me from many in the birth world. I wanted so desperately to believe it. The mom guilt was yelling at me louder though. The OB had what felt to be man hands. Membrane sweep done and foley bulb inserted. I was 3cm. OB appeased me and didn't argue with me when I requested to go have dinner with my children and put them to bed before heading to the hospital. In the parking lot, my midwife gave me the labor inducing concoction aka castor oil and other ingredients to mask the nastiness. We drove to Target where I walked around and picked up some last minute things then we met my mom and girls at Red Robin for dinner. Every time I went to the bathroom, I tugged a little at that annoying foley bulb string.
Back home, I did my usual night time routine with the girls and knowing this was the last time I would do it before adding a fourth, I was emotional. I didn't want to go to the hospital. I didn't want a hospital birth. I didn't want to be away from my babies. I didn't want any of this. Baby wasn't ready. I had so much mom guilt, already. Once I had girls asleep, I made another bathroom trip and plop, out came the foley bulb! Yay! I was now assumed to be 5cm! I finished gathering my items and we said bye to my mom. The ride to the hospital was a quiet one as I just cried. I couldn't do anything but cry.
At the hospital, we had to go in thru the ER entrance. My midwife assistant met us there. It was a quiet walk to L&D. Once in the room, midwife joined. They started using all the essential oils and magnesium to help lower my blood pressure. I was too anxious. Around midnight, Lex showed up. We had small talk and then he prayed with us. I remember feeling such peace. I happened to look over at my heartrate and for the first time it was under 100bpm! The Lord was with me. I just needed to remember to pray. Shortly after this, they came in and said I needed blood pressure meds. I asked my options. I was given two and a print out about them. The side effects. More mom guilt. I requested half a dose, 10mg, of labetalol. I was told it would only last a few hours then I would need a 20mg dose. I told them I was very sensitive to medications and wanted to try this dose first. OB agreed. Soon after receiving, my blood pressure dropped to 110/67, my normal. I also did not need another dose at all thru the rest of my induction or hospital admission. I was told if I received a full dose, they would've probably had to give me meds to boost my blood pressure back up so it was good I only got half the dose.
June 27 now (timeline starts to get a little fuzzy) and OB agreed to intermittent monitoring so I started walking the halls. I walked and walked and walked and walked some more. The OB wanted to put me on the wireless monitor to keep a constant watch on baby while letting me have the movement I needed. Let me first note that with these monitors they have to use like a sandpaper to remove what feels like the top layer of skin so the monitor will stick. I tried five different wireless monitors! Either it wouldn't work or baby kept running from the monitor so the nurses kept switching them out. My belly where this was placed took days to heal. I remained 5-6cm and 50-70% effaced for a looooooong while. I text my cousin at 8am that I was 5-6cm but ctx were not hurting and I felt frustrated that I didn't feel like it was moving along despite the several sweeps I had endured during this time as well.
Every time the OB came in, the very first words out of my mouth were "I do not want an epidural or a csection". Every single time. I was making sure she knew my wishes and that I was going to put up one heck of a fight to exhaust every single other option before that was even put on the table.
{Side note - when I labor, I go in. I am quiet. I stay focused. I breathe. I don't make a whole lot of noise until transition and then my breathing just gets louder as I focus on my jaw relaxing by making deep sounds so I can get baby OUT! I said many times during this induction that I just couldn't get in the headspace. I had this mental block. That was a very difficult hurdle to jump.}
When my mom brought the girls up to visit me, I was a wreck. I missed them so much! It stalled my labor. Contractions practically ceased. It was advised that they not come back to the hospital until baby was in arms. I sobbed. I made a short video telling them I loved them and miss them that evening before bed.
About 4pm I was a solid 6cm and started pitocin, at a 2. By 7:53pm I was at a 7 on the pitocin. I was contracting regularly but baby was not staying on the monitors so a nurse was literally squatting at my feet and chasing baby around my belly as I swayed and moved. The OB turned off pitocin because she said it was not safe to continue with the lack of monitoring they were able to get on baby. I felt defeated and told her I did not want an epidural or csection, what were my other options.
Sometime late evening, the OB was back in and wanted to break my water bag and insert a fetal monitor on baby's head. I asked about the concerns for baby. It was the only option presented unless I had a csection. I felt backed into a corner and consented. OB made a pin prick to control fluid draining and water went everywhere! I definitely had too much amniotic fluid! Then fetal monitor was placed. Mom guilt compounding. Still 6cm. Pitocin resumed. With the bag of fluids gone, the pain was so intense. I don't even know how to describe the intensity. I was told to lay in bed and have oxygen because baby needed it. I did. Roll on this side. Roll here. Labor right here in this position. I did. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt like my body was breaking in half. I've had three epidural free labor and births and this felt NOTHING like those first three. I asked for IV meds. They didn't touch the pain but made me sleepy. I felt like this was never going to end.
On top of all this, the midwife we paid out of pocket for felt like she was more there for the OB support than mine! She left a couple times during my labor too to go home for short times. It felt like I was giving birth in a battle ground, not a peaceful experience in the least and it surely did not add to the head game that labor is!
June 28, and it is 1am. Another cervical check. I'm getting tired but I inform OB I do not want an epidural or a csection. I'm now 7cm. Progress. Little but progress. I go to the bathroom just to sit on the toilet. It is the most comfortable place and I'm alone. I can feel safe in there. I can just be and labor. A few hours later, I feel the urge to push. I'm sitting on the toilet and my body pushes. Not me.
8am, the OB comes into the room and wants to do another check. Still 7cm. I told her I felt the urge to push. She said let's go with it!
The room is now a tizzy with people. So many nurses. Was this really coming to an end? Did I have the energy left to push?
I sit on a birthing stool. OB is trying to coach me how to push because I can't focus. My body does it once. I try to add another. Midwife hands me a scarf thing to hold onto while I push. My eyes are closed. I'm just breathing. I'm in so much pain. My cervix feels like it is ripping in half. {Charles later tells me that the OB told me to stop pushing so she could literally push my cervix off baby's head because I was not yet fully dilated!} I had to push so long. It felt like forever. It was only 45 min from the last cervical check to baby in arms with 23 of those minutes being me actively pushing.
At 8:03am our fourth baby took its first breath! I could hear everyone telling me to open my eyes and look at my baby but I couldn't. I couldn't exit that birth moment. Seconds. I finally did and I asked what I got. A girl! Our fourth girl!!! I was relieved it was over. Labor was over.
Things get really fuzzy here... I was helped to the bed. Baby went skin to skin for a few minutes. We attempted to latch, she wasn't interested. Due to her looking so big, I was curious what her weight was. 10 lbs 13.5 oz! No typos there! Zero tears! Since she was so big, they requested to test her sugars. I didn't think anything of it and agreed. I was told she had low sugars and needed milk. I asked for donated breastmilk. After some phone calls were made, Charles gave her a bottle of donated breastmilk while I laid flat in the bed on the other side of the room hemorrhaging. The crash cart was brought in and the call to prep OR was made all while the OB was elbow deep inside me pulling clots and throwing them on the bed. I was given five different medications to stop the bleeding and two bags of blood. I was coherent enough to have conversations with the nurses and dread the stomach kneading that they did every few minutes. No OR needed!
I just tried to move past the pain that I just endured. We called my mom to tell the girls the baby was born! They were soon after up to the hospital to meet their new baby sister. Enjoy the video of my big three getting to hold baby for the first time!
If you're keeping notes-
3cm 5 hours
5cm 16 hours
6cm 11 hours
7cm 7 hours
7cm to baby 45 min
23 min of pushing
Part 3: NICU stay - coming up another day!
*No pictures. Maybe one day I'll share those too. I gained 60 lbs this time, double what I did the first three times. I was so very swollen. So swollen. My skin hurt. Every step I took it felt like my skin was going to rip apart.
June 26 started with snuggles despite the ball of nerves I had in my stomach on what today would hold. At 11am my midwife came by and did a membrane sweep. I was a "loose one, not quite two". I walked. I bounced. I tried a Meyer's Circuit despite the horrendous pelvic pain I was enduring.
I had an appointment with the "wonderful OB" at 430pm. I have a proven pelvis. I have had three vaginal, uncomplicated deliveries. This will surely be easy, just a nudge to kick start my body. All encouraging statements made to me from many in the birth world. I wanted so desperately to believe it. The mom guilt was yelling at me louder though. The OB had what felt to be man hands. Membrane sweep done and foley bulb inserted. I was 3cm. OB appeased me and didn't argue with me when I requested to go have dinner with my children and put them to bed before heading to the hospital. In the parking lot, my midwife gave me the labor inducing concoction aka castor oil and other ingredients to mask the nastiness. We drove to Target where I walked around and picked up some last minute things then we met my mom and girls at Red Robin for dinner. Every time I went to the bathroom, I tugged a little at that annoying foley bulb string.
Back home, I did my usual night time routine with the girls and knowing this was the last time I would do it before adding a fourth, I was emotional. I didn't want to go to the hospital. I didn't want a hospital birth. I didn't want to be away from my babies. I didn't want any of this. Baby wasn't ready. I had so much mom guilt, already. Once I had girls asleep, I made another bathroom trip and plop, out came the foley bulb! Yay! I was now assumed to be 5cm! I finished gathering my items and we said bye to my mom. The ride to the hospital was a quiet one as I just cried. I couldn't do anything but cry.
At the hospital, we had to go in thru the ER entrance. My midwife assistant met us there. It was a quiet walk to L&D. Once in the room, midwife joined. They started using all the essential oils and magnesium to help lower my blood pressure. I was too anxious. Around midnight, Lex showed up. We had small talk and then he prayed with us. I remember feeling such peace. I happened to look over at my heartrate and for the first time it was under 100bpm! The Lord was with me. I just needed to remember to pray. Shortly after this, they came in and said I needed blood pressure meds. I asked my options. I was given two and a print out about them. The side effects. More mom guilt. I requested half a dose, 10mg, of labetalol. I was told it would only last a few hours then I would need a 20mg dose. I told them I was very sensitive to medications and wanted to try this dose first. OB agreed. Soon after receiving, my blood pressure dropped to 110/67, my normal. I also did not need another dose at all thru the rest of my induction or hospital admission. I was told if I received a full dose, they would've probably had to give me meds to boost my blood pressure back up so it was good I only got half the dose.
June 27 now (timeline starts to get a little fuzzy) and OB agreed to intermittent monitoring so I started walking the halls. I walked and walked and walked and walked some more. The OB wanted to put me on the wireless monitor to keep a constant watch on baby while letting me have the movement I needed. Let me first note that with these monitors they have to use like a sandpaper to remove what feels like the top layer of skin so the monitor will stick. I tried five different wireless monitors! Either it wouldn't work or baby kept running from the monitor so the nurses kept switching them out. My belly where this was placed took days to heal. I remained 5-6cm and 50-70% effaced for a looooooong while. I text my cousin at 8am that I was 5-6cm but ctx were not hurting and I felt frustrated that I didn't feel like it was moving along despite the several sweeps I had endured during this time as well.
Every time the OB came in, the very first words out of my mouth were "I do not want an epidural or a csection". Every single time. I was making sure she knew my wishes and that I was going to put up one heck of a fight to exhaust every single other option before that was even put on the table.
{Side note - when I labor, I go in. I am quiet. I stay focused. I breathe. I don't make a whole lot of noise until transition and then my breathing just gets louder as I focus on my jaw relaxing by making deep sounds so I can get baby OUT! I said many times during this induction that I just couldn't get in the headspace. I had this mental block. That was a very difficult hurdle to jump.}
When my mom brought the girls up to visit me, I was a wreck. I missed them so much! It stalled my labor. Contractions practically ceased. It was advised that they not come back to the hospital until baby was in arms. I sobbed. I made a short video telling them I loved them and miss them that evening before bed.
About 4pm I was a solid 6cm and started pitocin, at a 2. By 7:53pm I was at a 7 on the pitocin. I was contracting regularly but baby was not staying on the monitors so a nurse was literally squatting at my feet and chasing baby around my belly as I swayed and moved. The OB turned off pitocin because she said it was not safe to continue with the lack of monitoring they were able to get on baby. I felt defeated and told her I did not want an epidural or csection, what were my other options.
Sometime late evening, the OB was back in and wanted to break my water bag and insert a fetal monitor on baby's head. I asked about the concerns for baby. It was the only option presented unless I had a csection. I felt backed into a corner and consented. OB made a pin prick to control fluid draining and water went everywhere! I definitely had too much amniotic fluid! Then fetal monitor was placed. Mom guilt compounding. Still 6cm. Pitocin resumed. With the bag of fluids gone, the pain was so intense. I don't even know how to describe the intensity. I was told to lay in bed and have oxygen because baby needed it. I did. Roll on this side. Roll here. Labor right here in this position. I did. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt like my body was breaking in half. I've had three epidural free labor and births and this felt NOTHING like those first three. I asked for IV meds. They didn't touch the pain but made me sleepy. I felt like this was never going to end.
On top of all this, the midwife we paid out of pocket for felt like she was more there for the OB support than mine! She left a couple times during my labor too to go home for short times. It felt like I was giving birth in a battle ground, not a peaceful experience in the least and it surely did not add to the head game that labor is!
June 28, and it is 1am. Another cervical check. I'm getting tired but I inform OB I do not want an epidural or a csection. I'm now 7cm. Progress. Little but progress. I go to the bathroom just to sit on the toilet. It is the most comfortable place and I'm alone. I can feel safe in there. I can just be and labor. A few hours later, I feel the urge to push. I'm sitting on the toilet and my body pushes. Not me.
8am, the OB comes into the room and wants to do another check. Still 7cm. I told her I felt the urge to push. She said let's go with it!
The room is now a tizzy with people. So many nurses. Was this really coming to an end? Did I have the energy left to push?
I sit on a birthing stool. OB is trying to coach me how to push because I can't focus. My body does it once. I try to add another. Midwife hands me a scarf thing to hold onto while I push. My eyes are closed. I'm just breathing. I'm in so much pain. My cervix feels like it is ripping in half. {Charles later tells me that the OB told me to stop pushing so she could literally push my cervix off baby's head because I was not yet fully dilated!} I had to push so long. It felt like forever. It was only 45 min from the last cervical check to baby in arms with 23 of those minutes being me actively pushing.
At 8:03am our fourth baby took its first breath! I could hear everyone telling me to open my eyes and look at my baby but I couldn't. I couldn't exit that birth moment. Seconds. I finally did and I asked what I got. A girl! Our fourth girl!!! I was relieved it was over. Labor was over.
Things get really fuzzy here... I was helped to the bed. Baby went skin to skin for a few minutes. We attempted to latch, she wasn't interested. Due to her looking so big, I was curious what her weight was. 10 lbs 13.5 oz! No typos there! Zero tears! Since she was so big, they requested to test her sugars. I didn't think anything of it and agreed. I was told she had low sugars and needed milk. I asked for donated breastmilk. After some phone calls were made, Charles gave her a bottle of donated breastmilk while I laid flat in the bed on the other side of the room hemorrhaging. The crash cart was brought in and the call to prep OR was made all while the OB was elbow deep inside me pulling clots and throwing them on the bed. I was given five different medications to stop the bleeding and two bags of blood. I was coherent enough to have conversations with the nurses and dread the stomach kneading that they did every few minutes. No OR needed!
 |
| I found out after the fact that he fasted my entire labor in prayer for me! |
 |
| I'm coherent enough to snap this picture while laying flat before OB pulls clots out of me. |
If you're keeping notes-
3cm 5 hours
5cm 16 hours
6cm 11 hours
7cm 7 hours
7cm to baby 45 min
23 min of pushing
Part 3: NICU stay - coming up another day!
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