Here I am. Finally having worked through some big feelings and writing. My fourth is just 8 days away from her first birthday. It took me a long time to work through and it'll be a lot to read. As usual, writing for myself in hopes that maybe it can benefit someone else.
Just as the first three, we had to TRY to get pregnant. The battle with infertility lingers. I know my "secret sauce" though and it has become easier. It was more difficult in my husband finally was back to work, however his job was now in New Orleans, 6 hours away from me. Thankfully I ovulated on a weekend so I promise it isn't the milkman's! It was only a contract job but we embraced it. We were under contract on a house and the girls and I would be joining him soon. NOLA here we come! He came home on his usual weekend trip and I told him that I was pregnant!
I was so excited to have a fourth baby! I had always dreamed of AT LEAST four children! In the midst of our potential move to NOLA that I was busy packing the house up for, he was hired on at the FAA Academy in Oklahoma City! Whew. What a change! I moped about that for awhile then decided to embrace it. It was a great opportunity for Charles and Oklahoma had some perks too. We moved the end of December 2018.
On the two day car ride out, he got an email that due to the government shutdown, he will not be able to start. Here we were, debating what to do... Turn around and go back and wait it out or just hope that it is short lived and we will be on our way sooner than later. We decided to use the time to familiarize ourselves with the area and do some house hunting. We got to our "short term" government furnished rental and settled in. As the days turned to weeks, the stress grew. The stress I carried was so great and I felt so alone so alone I carried it. I prayed. I had to focus on one thing at a time. The first thing was finding a midwife. Being we were in a new state with not a single soul we knew, I wanted a home birth. My last birth was in a free standing birth center and so absolutely incredible, I wanted to have that. Due to the government shutdown taking longer than expected, I was afraid to spend our savings because we needed food too. The Lord provided. Academy co-workers we met in the apartment complex came together and brought us groceries and gave us money to buy groceries. It was a huge blessing!
The first four weeks in Oklahoma we experienced straight line winds, tornado warning just a few miles from us, hail and snow. The weather stressed me out so much! I am petrified of tornadoes and here I was in the middle of tornado alley in a second floor two bedroom apartment with no access to a tornado shelter nor did I know anyone to go bunker down with them at theirs!
One afternoon about 16 weeks into pregnancy, I felt off. I told Charles I felt like my blood pressure was elevated, probably stress related. All our belongings minus the clothes in our suitcase were in PODS waiting for us to close on a house and unpack. We ordered one off Amazon. Two days later it arrived and I check my blood pressure. I'm shocked. It was high. I had never had high blood pressure this early in pregnancy. I decided to really dig into the Brewer's pregnancy diet and hope it reversed. It kinda did work. I kept it up until delivery with marginal, at best, success.
Finding a homebirth midwife was another hurdle... I joined all the local Facebook groups and searched for all the recommendations. I met with one and we did not mesh well. I had many tell me that they were already booked for my birth month. I met with another and really liked her but since she was such a recent graduate, I passed on her. I still regret that though not sure if it would've changed my actual delivery any. I met with another and seemingly my last option so I hired her.
My 20 ish week scan, all was perfect! Still Team Green but baby actually measured the smallest of the four at the same gestation. I joked that this was going to be the runt. Zero concerns with baby. My blood pressure was behaving so long as I followed the diet closely. I did have a heck of a time with dehydration though. My midwife happened to tell me that every mom she has had come to Oklahoma while pregnant, has had complications. Oklahoma just does something to the pregnant body and unless acclimated it is a lot to battle. I did my due diligence and drank extra, extra, extra water. I tried. I really did. My third also self weaned. No tandem nursing for me this time. I had two months of no one to nurse. I'm sure I was extra dry as I would wake in the morning and feel so parched!
I had my gestational diabetes test on time and all was perfect then too! Flying by with all things looked great. If only we could find a house so I could have this dream home birth... We put in so many offers and were out bid every time! We finally were under contract! Then we weren't. We had to pull out of that contract. Then we learned of other issues in that particular location so we felt it was confirmation that we did the right thing. We kept searching. We kept driving all over Oklahoma looking at houses. We kept putting in offers. We started looking at rentals thinking maybe we will rent for a year and then try again in hopes the market would slow down some. My stickler though was that we were in Oklahoma and I HAD to have a tornado shelter. The amount of homes located in Oklahoma without a tornado shelter still baffles me. We found a couple and when we tried to pursue them, something would come up and it would fall thru. We felt stuck in this two bedroom furnished apartment in the middle of Oklahoma City. I didn't dream in a million years we would be still in this apartment so all my baby items were packed in the PODS! I had absolutely nothing for baby.
About my 35 week midwife appointment, my fundal measurement was suddenly VERY ahead. My midwife felt it best to go have my amniotic fluid levels tested and to check on baby. We were seen that same day. My amniotic fluid levels tested all normal and baby looked great, albeit on the above average side of weight. I have big babies though so I didn't even give this a second thought. My blood pressure was starting to creep up more though so midwife recommended some things to try. Unfortunately none really worked.
Stress. Stress was the name of the pregnancy complication.
My labs continued to not look great. My liver always looked great but my kidneys not so hot. I could feel my dream homebirth slipping right through my fingers. I was stressed and anxious about how birth would go. Where would the three big girls go? Would I be laboring and delivering alone while Charles was at home with the girls? I could bring them but the hospital said they had to have an adult dedicated to them. That was the problem, I didn't have an adult for them if I had Charles for me! I didn't have the money to pay a doula after paying out of pocket for a homebirth midwife and team. A couple from Charles' work said they would be able to help any way needed. We took them up on it... We asked if they would watch the girls. I was so hesitant as I have two that were very reserved around new people and to add a whirlwind of labor to that, I just didn't feel it would be good for them.
I cried so much this pregnancy, probably one of the reasons I was perpetually dehydrated! I was just so stressed and worried and anxious about all the scenarios that kept playing out in my head! I prayed so much! I just felt so alone.
My body hurt so.very.much. Much more than any other pregnancy. Was it due to number 4? Just older than previous? New State? Stress? The stairs I had to walk daily hurt my pelvis so so so so much. I would just cry. I was in so much pain. Sleeping hurt. The mattress they provided was probably the cheapest spring mattress and hadn't been changed in 10 years! Seriously. It was B A D! I tried to remain thankful I HAD a mattress to sleep on with a roof over my head. Driving hurt. My pelvis felt broken. Not exaggerating. It felt literally broken. I was also still throwing up daily because that's what I do when I'm pregnant. Despite all this, I was not ready to give birth. I knew baby had to bake longer and would let my body know when it was ready to come earthside!
The phone call came. 36 weeks 6 days. I was officially diagnosed with pre eclampsia and risked out of my dream homebirth. Cue a river of tears. The discussion of induction began. Membrane sweeps. Foley bulb. Pitocin. Avoiding magnesium IV. Avoiding csection. Avoiding complications.
We had been going to Grafted Church. The people were so nice! We never really got involved though. My body hurt so much, I didn't want to do anything extra. I barely made it through the days of caring for the three girls and dog! Once I got this news, we decided to open up at church. When Lex asked if anyone wanted prayer, I raised my hand and immediately began sobbing. I couldn't speak. Charles shared a quick synopsis and we were immediately surrounded by people praying over us and anointing us. I never opened my eyes, just cried and prayed. Hugs abound after. I am so thankful for them, for that moment.
At 37 weeks on June 24, I went to the highly recommended acupuncturist and had a "labor inducing" session. He too gave me herbs to take to help kick start labor.
My midwife put a phone call into the "midwive's OB" to discuss my situation. It was my fourth pregnancy with three vaginal uncomplicated births. Surely my body only needed a little nudge to get going and it would do its thing. A plan was developed. I called my mom and thru the tears was able to ask her to fly out to watch the girls so I didn't have that worry. The hurdle we were facing was my brother's wife was pregnant with their first due just one day after me and she was going to head to West Virginia once she got the labor call! We picked up my mom from the airport on 6/25! My 24 hour protein was 396 and my blood pressure was remaining in the 140s/90s. I was basically told if I wasn't induced, it would end with an emergency csection.
We moved the carseats around and put the Clek Fllo (our infant seat) in Charles' car so my mom could use the van to haul the three older girls around. It was getting real. (We still did not know if baby was a boy or girl but with three older sisters, if this was a boy he had better get used to pink so why not have a pink carseat! haha)
We told the girls what was going on and how they would get to spend all this time with Nana. The hardest part of my second birth was the one night I was in the hospital. It was gut wrenching for me to be away from my first. I knew this was not going to be easy as that is the one and only time I had been away from any of my children! I just cried and cried, as did my girls when I told them the news.
Induction is Up Next.
Just as the first three, we had to TRY to get pregnant. The battle with infertility lingers. I know my "secret sauce" though and it has become easier. It was more difficult in my husband finally was back to work, however his job was now in New Orleans, 6 hours away from me. Thankfully I ovulated on a weekend so I promise it isn't the milkman's! It was only a contract job but we embraced it. We were under contract on a house and the girls and I would be joining him soon. NOLA here we come! He came home on his usual weekend trip and I told him that I was pregnant!
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| Blue dye sucks, yes but it is there! Blood test after this said I had 0 hcg though. haha |
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| Line-O-Vision was indeed real! |
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| (I have tests from all four saved!) |
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| That wasn't the last test I took either... haha |
On the two day car ride out, he got an email that due to the government shutdown, he will not be able to start. Here we were, debating what to do... Turn around and go back and wait it out or just hope that it is short lived and we will be on our way sooner than later. We decided to use the time to familiarize ourselves with the area and do some house hunting. We got to our "short term" government furnished rental and settled in. As the days turned to weeks, the stress grew. The stress I carried was so great and I felt so alone so alone I carried it. I prayed. I had to focus on one thing at a time. The first thing was finding a midwife. Being we were in a new state with not a single soul we knew, I wanted a home birth. My last birth was in a free standing birth center and so absolutely incredible, I wanted to have that. Due to the government shutdown taking longer than expected, I was afraid to spend our savings because we needed food too. The Lord provided. Academy co-workers we met in the apartment complex came together and brought us groceries and gave us money to buy groceries. It was a huge blessing!
The first four weeks in Oklahoma we experienced straight line winds, tornado warning just a few miles from us, hail and snow. The weather stressed me out so much! I am petrified of tornadoes and here I was in the middle of tornado alley in a second floor two bedroom apartment with no access to a tornado shelter nor did I know anyone to go bunker down with them at theirs!
One afternoon about 16 weeks into pregnancy, I felt off. I told Charles I felt like my blood pressure was elevated, probably stress related. All our belongings minus the clothes in our suitcase were in PODS waiting for us to close on a house and unpack. We ordered one off Amazon. Two days later it arrived and I check my blood pressure. I'm shocked. It was high. I had never had high blood pressure this early in pregnancy. I decided to really dig into the Brewer's pregnancy diet and hope it reversed. It kinda did work. I kept it up until delivery with marginal, at best, success.
Finding a homebirth midwife was another hurdle... I joined all the local Facebook groups and searched for all the recommendations. I met with one and we did not mesh well. I had many tell me that they were already booked for my birth month. I met with another and really liked her but since she was such a recent graduate, I passed on her. I still regret that though not sure if it would've changed my actual delivery any. I met with another and seemingly my last option so I hired her.
My 20 ish week scan, all was perfect! Still Team Green but baby actually measured the smallest of the four at the same gestation. I joked that this was going to be the runt. Zero concerns with baby. My blood pressure was behaving so long as I followed the diet closely. I did have a heck of a time with dehydration though. My midwife happened to tell me that every mom she has had come to Oklahoma while pregnant, has had complications. Oklahoma just does something to the pregnant body and unless acclimated it is a lot to battle. I did my due diligence and drank extra, extra, extra water. I tried. I really did. My third also self weaned. No tandem nursing for me this time. I had two months of no one to nurse. I'm sure I was extra dry as I would wake in the morning and feel so parched!
 |
| I took the girls solo to New Mexico to watch niece and nephew for their spring break. |
About my 35 week midwife appointment, my fundal measurement was suddenly VERY ahead. My midwife felt it best to go have my amniotic fluid levels tested and to check on baby. We were seen that same day. My amniotic fluid levels tested all normal and baby looked great, albeit on the above average side of weight. I have big babies though so I didn't even give this a second thought. My blood pressure was starting to creep up more though so midwife recommended some things to try. Unfortunately none really worked.
Stress. Stress was the name of the pregnancy complication.
My labs continued to not look great. My liver always looked great but my kidneys not so hot. I could feel my dream homebirth slipping right through my fingers. I was stressed and anxious about how birth would go. Where would the three big girls go? Would I be laboring and delivering alone while Charles was at home with the girls? I could bring them but the hospital said they had to have an adult dedicated to them. That was the problem, I didn't have an adult for them if I had Charles for me! I didn't have the money to pay a doula after paying out of pocket for a homebirth midwife and team. A couple from Charles' work said they would be able to help any way needed. We took them up on it... We asked if they would watch the girls. I was so hesitant as I have two that were very reserved around new people and to add a whirlwind of labor to that, I just didn't feel it would be good for them.
I cried so much this pregnancy, probably one of the reasons I was perpetually dehydrated! I was just so stressed and worried and anxious about all the scenarios that kept playing out in my head! I prayed so much! I just felt so alone.
My body hurt so.very.much. Much more than any other pregnancy. Was it due to number 4? Just older than previous? New State? Stress? The stairs I had to walk daily hurt my pelvis so so so so much. I would just cry. I was in so much pain. Sleeping hurt. The mattress they provided was probably the cheapest spring mattress and hadn't been changed in 10 years! Seriously. It was B A D! I tried to remain thankful I HAD a mattress to sleep on with a roof over my head. Driving hurt. My pelvis felt broken. Not exaggerating. It felt literally broken. I was also still throwing up daily because that's what I do when I'm pregnant. Despite all this, I was not ready to give birth. I knew baby had to bake longer and would let my body know when it was ready to come earthside!
The phone call came. 36 weeks 6 days. I was officially diagnosed with pre eclampsia and risked out of my dream homebirth. Cue a river of tears. The discussion of induction began. Membrane sweeps. Foley bulb. Pitocin. Avoiding magnesium IV. Avoiding csection. Avoiding complications.
We had been going to Grafted Church. The people were so nice! We never really got involved though. My body hurt so much, I didn't want to do anything extra. I barely made it through the days of caring for the three girls and dog! Once I got this news, we decided to open up at church. When Lex asked if anyone wanted prayer, I raised my hand and immediately began sobbing. I couldn't speak. Charles shared a quick synopsis and we were immediately surrounded by people praying over us and anointing us. I never opened my eyes, just cried and prayed. Hugs abound after. I am so thankful for them, for that moment.
At 37 weeks on June 24, I went to the highly recommended acupuncturist and had a "labor inducing" session. He too gave me herbs to take to help kick start labor.
My midwife put a phone call into the "midwive's OB" to discuss my situation. It was my fourth pregnancy with three vaginal uncomplicated births. Surely my body only needed a little nudge to get going and it would do its thing. A plan was developed. I called my mom and thru the tears was able to ask her to fly out to watch the girls so I didn't have that worry. The hurdle we were facing was my brother's wife was pregnant with their first due just one day after me and she was going to head to West Virginia once she got the labor call! We picked up my mom from the airport on 6/25! My 24 hour protein was 396 and my blood pressure was remaining in the 140s/90s. I was basically told if I wasn't induced, it would end with an emergency csection.
We moved the carseats around and put the Clek Fllo (our infant seat) in Charles' car so my mom could use the van to haul the three older girls around. It was getting real. (We still did not know if baby was a boy or girl but with three older sisters, if this was a boy he had better get used to pink so why not have a pink carseat! haha)
We told the girls what was going on and how they would get to spend all this time with Nana. The hardest part of my second birth was the one night I was in the hospital. It was gut wrenching for me to be away from my first. I knew this was not going to be easy as that is the one and only time I had been away from any of my children! I just cried and cried, as did my girls when I told them the news.
Induction is Up Next.
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