Tuesday, July 27, 2010

99 Bottles of Beer...

Err. We'll have to stock up on the Beer for hubby's nerves during the screaming fits that are bound to happen! {Taking donations.... :-)}

I can't believe I'm in double digit countdown until baby's due date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!

99 days...

99 days to November 3.
99 days, if baby doesn't come early.
99 days, if baby isn't so comfy it hangs out awhile longer.
99 days left to enjoy the time of just hubby and I.
99 days to complete my "to do" list for Lost Stork Foundation.
99 days to get the nursery where you can at least see the floor.
99 days to pack up the house of the non essentials.
99 days to finish getting the essentials for baby.
99 days left of having baby all to myself.
99 days left of guessing if baby is a boy or a girl.
99 days before I am what I've always dreamed of being, a real life full time mommy!

99 days...

Seems like it's tomorrow yet forever away at the same time. I do not want to rush it but at the same time, I am so excited for it to be here.

Wow.

99 days!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Blogger, web hosting, and backgrounds. Oh My!

I took the "nudge" that the previous background I had was cancelled and pulled out my hair figuring up another one. I am SO not savvy in this department! So what do you think?? I wanted color but not overwhelming in that no one would read my two cents I type out every so often. :-) If it's difficult to read or anything, let me know and I'll make some changes.

I guess I've been on this kick anyways... I've been searching and googling and scowling the world wide web to find just the perfect web hosting site for the new Lost Stork Foundation website in the makings (it's on paper). The current web hosting company I use, Fatcow.com, I am happy with but at the same time I only have an "under construction" page so that we could secure the domain names we wanted... When I called today to ask questions I find out that you are only allowed to use their generic options (although a very generous selection, still they are stock) and have to pay a premium to have access to the html for personalization.

Anyone have any suggestions/personal recommendations on web hosting sites??? Ideally, I would like to go somewhere and stay there as I am not savvy (remember reading above?) in this area and only want to learn one program! That is, until we can afford to pay someone who can do it blindly... But for me, it is just I to scream at the computer and spend hours on end learning how to do one stinking thing. ;-) But I am super excited to get the real Lost Stork website up and running here soon!!!

And on that note, I must get back to figuring out more technical stuff.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Missing "the girls"

The last couple of weeks, I've really been struggling with my feelings and family and bringing this baby into the world. It's not my family drama to tell, so I won't. It is breaking my heart though, so I type.

I never imagined "the girls" not being apart of this excitement of adding a new cousin to the growing family. I never imagined that I would be missing out on so much of their lives. I am saddened by the dreams I keep having and pray that they are not true. I pray for "the girls" often and hope that they know I will always love them. I just want things to go back to how they were, well, not completely as healing needs to happen...

I miss the laughter. The tears. The smiles. The hugs. The stories. The squeals. The texts. The fights. The boy drama. The future hoped for. The teenage life. The three distinct personalities. The life we shared.

I miss "the girls".

Friday, July 23, 2010

Officially moving forward! Donating my left over fertility meds to a clinic instead of holding onto my "Plan B". Oh the emotions come flooding in! Who knew so many hopes and dreams would be encompassed into these few items... We have our miracle baby. Praying this brings another couple theirs! Bittersweet.

Baby Prep!

Things are getting exciting around here... Everyday is one day closer to meeting Baby Swann! I often find myself with a sappy grin on my face or giggling out loud with baby's movements. It makes it so much more real when I feel this human growing and thriving inside me! I still cannot believe that we're going to have a baby soon!

We've gone from getting ready for baby in this house to being told we're moving to Jacksonville, Florida in September (baby's due in November) to now back to bringing home baby to this house but moving to Jacksonville, Florida sometime between January and June 2011... It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride! I'm all good now though. Knowing that I know where baby will be born and {hopefully} by who, I'm fine with everything else. All the ups and downs and being unsure about well, everything.

So with this latest knowledge, I'm back to unpacking the nursery (yes, I had already packed up ALL of baby's things in preparation for the move) and trying to get some sort of order in there. The crib is full of sheets and blankets and clothes and toys and all over the floor in piles are bibs and burp cloths and baby essentials like finger nail clippers, etc. It's been overwhelming as we have absolutely zero storage in there. We have a crib. That's it. No dresser. Nothing. Heck, even in the closet their is no shelf or rod! It's on our to do list...

We have a lot on our to do list...

But no longer is finding a stroller on the "to do" list! :-) And the stroller works great being pushed around our house! Although I'm having to remind Charles that we do not want the dogs to be afraid of the stroller if we ever want to take them on walks along with us and baby as he currently thinks it's funny to chase the dogs around the house with the stroller. Men. I guess once a kid, always a kid. :-)

Stroller 3
Stroller 2
Second "assembly", stroller

With all the baby stuff coming in, the dogs are not quite sure what's going on! I'm getting anxious as to how they are going to react to baby here 24/7 too some. They're great with kids of all ages that come...and go...but worried how they're going to do with a screaming baby fit or when they have to wait for our attention as baby ranks above them in the "pack"... Any suggestions on handling dogs with new babies?????

Thursday, July 8, 2010

"Fertile 40's"

Yesterday I was lucky enough to catch one of the gossip shoes {TMZ, Access Hollywood, etc} and a segment was done on these celebrities who were "Fertile beyond 40". One had three kids between 40 and 47!

I couldn't help but automatically attribute their success to ART. So many of them had twins too. {I understand twins are more likely the older you are but they also are more likely when you transfer two embryos, or more, during IVF or have an IUI with multiple mature follicles.} I just wish, for the sake of all infertiles, that these celebrities would tell the whole story. To give hope to those who for whatever reason, will not pursue ART to conceive as well as giving hope to those who are pursuing ART to conceive. Both sides need encouragement.

How many of them used embryo or egg donation?
Did they go thru IVF and maybe PGD to transfer only the healthy embryos?
What percent of these "Fertile after 40" celebrities really and truly conceived 100% with the old fashioned sex-at-home without any intervention what so ever?

I know for myself being in my early 20's thru our infertility journey, I found it rather frustrating to hear celebrity story after story on this 40+ celebrity who is pregnant. I was, after all, in my prime time of fertility yet I could not conceive and they had no problem. Frustrated the living crap out of me! And then I began to accept that they have this image to portray for whatever reason, and maybe if it came out that their children are not biologically theirs {embryo or egg donation?} that a stigma would be attached. I just wish now, for the sake of women I know who are late 30's and into their 40's that so long to be parents for the first or more time that the whole story would be told... Maybe one day.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Weird feelings.

I'm not even going to apologize for my disappearance, again. From here on out, things will be different. Hopefully. And this is why...

Yesterday marked my first day of a new direction in my life. It was my first day being unemployed with no promises or future jobs to look forward to.

This past Friday I said goodbye to the adorable family I have spent the last 16 months loving. The boys' carseats were removed from my car. The extra diapers I had floating around were safely deposited back in their diaper bag. And I drove off.

It hit me.

I have had some type of carseat in my car for the better half of the last 7 years. None because of our kids, obviously. All belonging to friends, family, or the children I was a nanny for. But the next time a carseat gets put in my car will be in the anticipation of bringing home our baby. It will not be removed, except temporarily. We will not say goodbye {oh please God willing} to this child 16 months to two years after it arrives like I have the last two nanny families I have worked for.

Although I already miss those precious boys and their smiles, hugs, and laughs I am thankful for this forced three month ish break before our baby arrives. I have spent years changing other kids diapers for work. I have sung to, played with, read to, bounced, and loved other peoples kids for years. I have been a caregiver for years yet I feel so unready for our baby to arrive. To have this little break as an adjustment period to get ready for our baby has been much appreciated and needed.

To think though that the next time I change a diaper it will be our little one looking at me wanting me to hurry up. Just to think of my daily routine I had caring for the boys, and so many other kids in the past, will next be done in the daily caring for our baby. No one will be coming to pick up the baby at 4pm to relieve me to a quiet night at home with my husband. No one to call informing them I'm sick and unable to care for their kids that day. No checks to cash at the end of the week for all the hard work I did.

It's starting to really hit me. It's weird. Weird feelings that leave me excited and petrified at the same time. I keep telling myself it's all normal though. Even for those that have zero baby time under their belts. I tell myself it's okay to forget everything I've ever learned in my years of caring for kids. I'm going to be a typical first time mom and freak about everything. And that weirds me out too. Over the years I've learned to relax and that makes being around kids so much more fun!

So again. It's just weird. Weirdness that I will take any day of the week. But for now, I must go and do my housewife duties. That's been weird too. But for another post. :-)