Thursday, March 22, 2012


The first go around at conception I took Vitex off and on several times. The last try was a 4 month stint that we conceived on! I have always taken the pills but read the tincture may work quicker so am giving that {disgusting!} stuff a try. Yes, it is HORRIBLE! Three times a day I swallow that horrible stuff! I'm hopeful though. Charting just to see if it is going to work its magic. :-) Maybe it does take another few months {which sucks timing wise as Charles has to go back to Oklahoma for 7 weeks of training} but all-in-all what's another 7 weeks?

In cleaning out and packing up for the move, Charles came across an old {non expired until July 2012!} Rx for Clomid! So if in a few months no changes noticed from the Vitex, I'll move on. :-)

But I am loving that the Vitex has not had any effect on my milk supply or her desire to nurse!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

So very true!

Baby making moves in pictures! haha! Fantastic depictions!

Link 1 and Link 2

I won't publicly admit how many of these we have done but will say I relate to more than one... haha!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Sunday, March 18, 2012


With just over a week remaining in the hotel, I can't help but reflect on our life in Missouri...

Missouri is the first adventure we had as a couple! Oh an adventure it has been! :-) Of course, Missouri is the birthplace of our miracle Little Miss. It is the place that we began the extreme fighting for our family with intense fertility treatments. I wrote not one but two books with several more ideas in mind {none published nor do I believe I ever will honestly}.

Spending 7.5 months in a hotel though has been exhausting. I am so looking forward to using a washing machine and a dryer that only OUR clothes have been in! Not having to pay $1.75 a load to wash or dry {that was $1.50 upon checking in}. To having an oven. Cabinet space. Comfortable living room furniture. OUR bed. The little things...

I will miss the wonderful staff who have have made their ways into our, and Little Miss', hearts. Truly they have been like family. :-)

Here's to a whopping week-ish left in Missouri!!

Saturday, March 17, 2012


Charles and I have had a few spontaneous discussions about alcohol the last couple of weeks. Most of the time ending with a "...and that's why I don't drink" sort of statement. I could probably count using both hands and one foot how many times I have had a drink. Literally. I just have not had a taste for it except on two, rare, occasions...

The first was, of course, my 21st birthday celebration. :-) We were in Biloxi, MS at a casino. I had like two shots the whole evening. The first was bought for me buy a couple at the bar as they learned it was my 21st birthday. {It was also an attempt at the whole get-drunk-to-conceive-plan which failed, miserably}

The second is so not a proud moment. 3.75 years into our infertility journey, we were on a trip to Georgia over Thanksgiving. I attended a long time dear friend's baby shower, saw another long time friend who was pregnant with spontaneous twins, and was about to meet my SIL's first born {conceived on the first cycle} then 6 month old daughter.

Just prior to meeting our new niece, we had spent time at my dad's house chatting with him and his wife. It came up that they were investigating the steps needed to take to adopt her daughter's baby due to some extreme circumstances. The only thing that came to my mind was "Great. My dad, who should have been a grandfather by now, is going to be a "dad" again before I'm a mom!" I promptly left the table and went on the hunt for alcohol. Bailey's. Delicious.

Leaving their house, the tears flowed. We headed to the in-law get together where we would meet the niece for the first time. Walking up the driveway, with assistance, and was handed this beautiful baby girl that I could not safely hold. I had to decline. I was upset with myself. I was an embarrassment. I succumbed to a horrible escape.

2.5 years later, I am "introduced" to a cousin's wife when the statement was made, "Oh, we met before at the get together a couple years ago, though you had a bit too much to drink that night so probably don't remember..."

That's the first impression I left. That's NOT who I am, yet who I am remembered to be.

Are there any alcohol stories that end with, "...and that's why I continue to drink"?

Thursday, March 8, 2012

It begins!

I sit here typing right now after having 4 days of the most horrible nipple pain while nursing, ever! It wasn't thrush, checked that. No mastitis, been there, done that. It left my options at ovulating, impending period, or pregnant.

I've taken way too many pregnancy and ovulation tests over the last 16 months to be ashamed of even me! I should have known better... Known that I {really, me} would not fall into that small percentage of women who ends up {surprise!} pregnant before ever getting her first post partum period.

I am very grateful the lovely red lady has finally showed but totally bummed I've packed away my diva cup {should have known that would do it!} so can't give it a try this cycle, heck, hopefully it'll stay packed up for another 3 years given I'll be pregnant and period free for another 16+ months from nursing!

So today begins, officially, cycle 1 of trying for a sibling for Little Miss... The flood gates have been opened not only from my cervix but the emotions. 4 years of infertility heartache came flooding back, though fleeting now, at the sight. It truly is like salt on a wound that has not 100% healed, nor do I believe it ever will. {I'm grateful for that. Too many people, friends, I have come to know have too had the heartache of infertility. I am grateful I can relate and hopefully be of encouragement.}

We are not naive this time. Bittersweet too. Pulling out the thermometer and purchasing lovely ovulation predictor kits. Praying for a last chance 2012 baby yet trying to remain realistic in we'll probably end up with a 2014 baby...

Monday, March 5, 2012

Failed discipline.

Yesterday Little Miss watched as Charles opened her CD player, pulled out the CD, and I blew the various food particles and dog hair out for better playing. Once the CD was back in place, she insisted on mimicking.

Opened the CD player. Removed CD. Huffed and puffed and blew. Put CD back. And proceeded to do it, again. And again. And again, again, again, again, again.

We stopped her this time saying how proud we are that she has cleaned out the CD player and we can now hear the music again. Tried to distract with other toys/activities. CD player is on her mind all.the.time. now.

It continued today. The obsession with the CD player. After about the 65th time of telling her it was all clean and flat out telling her no, not to touch {oh yes, she's now saying no after the many times she's heard it today}, I slightly popped her hand.

She stepped back. Looked at me. Popped her own hand. Laughed.

Obviously that isn't the method of discipline to get through to her... We have not done time out yet as I have thought she's too young to truly understand. Maybe she would though?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

This month!

I cannot believe it... We are MOVING this month! We are so very excited as so many new opportunities that are tied with the move!

I'm most hopeful that we'll be shocked beyond shocking and end up with a surprise pregnancy! Just in time to finish out 2012... :-)

I'm so overly hopeful...

My bubble will be popped.

Why don't I go ahead and pop it now, myself?

Stupid fertility challenged.