Thursday, April 22, 2010

Frustrated with Fertiles

I know I'm not the only one either.......

I've been battling these feelings for sometime now, even before I learned I was pregnant. So many fertiles would complain about pregnancy. The aches and pains and nausea and inability to get comfortable. I, along with so many others, would give their right leg to experience just once what they were non stop complaining about! Now that I am pregnant, I find my frustrations even more passion filled with these same fertiles! Every complaint they speak of, I'm cherishing each and every moment.

I found myself talking with what seemed to be every fertile person I know this last week and when the talks of more kids came up, I could not help but get a little sad. I have subconsciously been cherishing and saddened by this pregnancy going by so quickly as I do not know if this will be my only pregnancy. Not necessarily my only child. It did take us over 4 years to get here... We do not know what the future holds at all. Fertile or not, you don't know. But I certainly do not want to miss a moment! Yet these darn fertiles talk about planning their next child and take no account what so ever at the possibility of it may not be so easy the next go around...

It frustrates me that I cannot be naive in what I always imagined would just happen, at least 4 times. It frustrates me that although they know our story, and secondary infertility DOES exist too people!, it's like they are invisible. It frustrates me when people tell me that since we got pregnant without intervention that we're "fixed". It frustrates me when people push aside my feelings of sadness that this pregnancy is going by so quickly and that it is expected and like I'm being crazy. I did wait 4 years to finally get here and it is flying by unlike those 4 years did! It frustrates me that I feel like these darn infertiles are still rubbing it in my face that they are indeed fertile and can plan exactly when their children will come to be while I try to stay in the present and not focused on what the future holds for us... Fertiles frustrate me!!!! I do not think I'll ever get over it to be honest!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

"I Can't Wait To Meet You"

I'm not sure what I think about this book really... Maybe if I read it I could have a better stance. But maybe not.

Really though. I never remember questioning my mom if I was born via fertility treatments or not. Is a child knowing he/she was conceived naturally or with any amount of fertility treatments really necessary??? {I can totally understand surrogacy and adoption, embryo included...} It's not like children conceived via fertility treatments all have a third eye or something distinguishable to their physical body. In my thoughts, if it comes up {especially when they are older and talking about their own family} that is great. Otherwise, is it really useful information or just something to make them feel like they are 'different' and thus feel more awkward during those lovely childhood years?

So what do you think??? Plan to share with your child how he/she came to be {regardless of the method!} in all the glory it is??? Oh do tell....

I Can't Wait to Meet You, the book.

Friday, April 9, 2010

"What If?"

Mel over at Stirrup Queens is heading up this Infertility project.


Take a moment. Infertile or Fertile. Whatever you consider yourself. If you're reading this blog, you are connected with an Infertile. Go read these comments... I found myself relating to way too many of these 'What ifs' that were posted.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Pregnant infertile.

Are those words contradicting? Probably. {I apologize if that offends anyone}

I have had a lot of thoughts recently on where I now stand. Yes, I may be pregnant but my blood still boils when I read or hear of insensitive comments being made towards an infertile in particular or the general IF community.

Am I overreacting now with the pregnancy hormones or have I always had such great passion for others like me just wanting desperately to have a family of their own...?

I find myself jumping to defend that much quicker than before. Is it because I feel guilty that we are pregnant when so many other women are still longing and hoping and praying for their miracle? I think in a way, I do. I feel guilty that two dear ladies I know are currently anxiously awaiting egg retrieval set for this weekend while I was set to join them, I did not due to the miracle God gave us.

And speaking of miracles... Why yes I believe this baby is a miracle that is growing inside me. I also fully believe that each and every child that enters this world is a miracle! The drug addict prostituting herself for more money to buy more drugs... The couple adopting their first or 15th child... The couple who decided to move forward with IVF and is giving themselves daily injections of hormones with the hopes of a baby at the end... Not to mention each and every situation between! Do you realize how many things have to be just absolutely perfect for a women to get pregnant?! Amazing that anyone does!

I guess I never really thought of how difficult it would be to transition to the "other side". I don't want to leave behind those that I've come to know and follow their journey and hope and pray and cry along side with yet I understand my presence with the knowledge of a new life growing in me is hurtful. I remember those feelings. All the hurt and doubt.

I can honestly say that I believe I've become more passionate for helping {um, Lost Stork Foundation?!} and doing whatever I can, those desperately longing to grow their families! To experience what it's like knowing that I will be a mommy, not "some day" but in a matter of a few months! I want each and every couple that so longs to be parents, to be!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

...For Fun...

I think it's fun to do these {and put absolutely no weight into them!} so we'll see early November if it's guessed 50/50 chance is right! :-)

And now it's time to go pack... Yes. We are moving, again. We must find a new place to move into by July. Packing now as I imagine it's going to take some time longer for me to pack now than before when I had all the energy in the world and was not throwing up. :-)

Last bit before going...

Thanks to all the name suggestions! :-) Andrew is top on the list as that's Charles' middle name but I don't just love Carter Andrew. I'm just glad it's only the first boy's name that we're sticking with C.A. initials! This is too difficult to find a name we just absolutely love. And Madelyn Marie is liked but nixed as that's our newest niece's middle name {Allyson Marie}. I like Madelyn Grace but since I'm not exactly graceful I would hate to pass on my ungracefulness and yet name her Grace. That'd just be the butt of too many jokes. haha! But then again, maybe she'd live up to her namesake??

So needless to say, you can keep the name suggestions coming! :-)

Have a great Easter Weekend and let's take time to reflect on Jesus' death and rising from the dead. What an amazing and humbling testimony!