Thursday, April 8, 2010

Pregnant infertile.

Are those words contradicting? Probably. {I apologize if that offends anyone}

I have had a lot of thoughts recently on where I now stand. Yes, I may be pregnant but my blood still boils when I read or hear of insensitive comments being made towards an infertile in particular or the general IF community.

Am I overreacting now with the pregnancy hormones or have I always had such great passion for others like me just wanting desperately to have a family of their own...?

I find myself jumping to defend that much quicker than before. Is it because I feel guilty that we are pregnant when so many other women are still longing and hoping and praying for their miracle? I think in a way, I do. I feel guilty that two dear ladies I know are currently anxiously awaiting egg retrieval set for this weekend while I was set to join them, I did not due to the miracle God gave us.

And speaking of miracles... Why yes I believe this baby is a miracle that is growing inside me. I also fully believe that each and every child that enters this world is a miracle! The drug addict prostituting herself for more money to buy more drugs... The couple adopting their first or 15th child... The couple who decided to move forward with IVF and is giving themselves daily injections of hormones with the hopes of a baby at the end... Not to mention each and every situation between! Do you realize how many things have to be just absolutely perfect for a women to get pregnant?! Amazing that anyone does!

I guess I never really thought of how difficult it would be to transition to the "other side". I don't want to leave behind those that I've come to know and follow their journey and hope and pray and cry along side with yet I understand my presence with the knowledge of a new life growing in me is hurtful. I remember those feelings. All the hurt and doubt.

I can honestly say that I believe I've become more passionate for helping {um, Lost Stork Foundation?!} and doing whatever I can, those desperately longing to grow their families! To experience what it's like knowing that I will be a mommy, not "some day" but in a matter of a few months! I want each and every couple that so longs to be parents, to be!


squirrelgirl said...

Well written, Megs.

Jessica said...

Please don't feel guilty that you are have waited SO long and totally deserve it. Its your time to shine and I am truly happy for you. Theresa and I will be preggo with you soon!!