Coming out... Cancelled.

**UPDATE**

The Dr. visit went okay... My ovaries are even bigger than they were on Monday! How? Not sure. They surely hurt though! Still lots of mature follicules. The latest E2 from today came back. The results? Not what I wanted to hear. At all. 6,300. No typo. Over Six THOUSAND! Dr. kept saying during the ultrasound how wonderful this would all be...If we were doing an IVF cycle that is. He is hoping that by continuing to 'coast' me and draw E2 every 48 hours that my levels will eventually drop below 3,000 and thus he will Trigger me then. For now though? I am being extra careful with these ovaries of mine as they hurt! He did say I had free fluid which may indicate I ovulated one or more eggs OR it may just be that the many follicules I do have are seeping fluid and thus collecting there... Will just have to wait it out.

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Charles and I have been keeping a secret... We did not want the questions.

{Are you pregnant yet? When are you testing? How many mature follicules do you have? How many days left, now?}

The only reason I am 'coming out' about it now is becuase I'm rather pissed about the whole situation!

July 31, I was greeted, yet again, by the wonderful red lady singing. The start of cycle number 37. {Remember, I was scheduled for my Hystercopy and D&C on August 13...} I had too many questions to just go blindly into the surgery without asking them. Boy am I glad I did!!!

I went in, Monday, August 10 for my 'yearly' exam. Yes. I was well overdue, but this certainly was not my reason for going in. I wanted to get my questions answered. I even brought my little booklet! Since I already discussed most of the appt in this post, I'll skip that part.

He did another ultrasound and with that, saw that although I was on cycle day 11, I did not have any leading follicules. He suggested we not 'waste' the cycle and move forward with treatments. We decided that since I had left over Follistim in my fridge from the first cycle, we would go with that. I took my first injection this night of 150 iu and continued this doage until another ultrasound on Thursday, August 13.

This ultrasound revealed several small follicules with four leading ones. Two on each side. They were measuring 2 @ 14mm and 2 @ 15mm. He choose to up my dosage to 300 iu and would see me again Monday as he was sure I would not be ready to trigger before then... Little did he know!

Over the weekend, I knew something was going on! I could feel my ovaries acting as though they were in overdrive! Monday, the ultrasound revealed I had lots of follicules, and more mature than one would have wanted. :-( The Dr. decided to lower my dosage to 150 again for Mon and Tues and another ultrasound on Wed {Charles' birthday... So was hoping for good news!}.

Wednesday, I am so emotional! I cried as I was paying our fee {Another post dedicated to this as it is 100% insurance related and totally screwed up!!!}... I cried sitting in the waiting room, just wondering what was going on with my body. I was so afraid of the worst news. Unfortunately. I was correct.

The ultrasound revealed I had WAY too many mature follicules... So many follicules that my ovaries were "kissing". As in. My ovaries were completely touching they had grown so large!!! Let me put it this way. He stopped counting when he reached 7 follicules over 20mm. {Anything over 15mm has the potential of holding a mature egg ready to be fertilized, thus with the Trigger shot, completing maturization and releasing.} I bawled. Right there in front of the Dr. and Nurse. Bawling. This is not the news I wanted to get on this special day. I had it so bulit up in my mind that it would have been wonderful to conceive on Charles' birthday...and find out on our Sixth Wedding Anniversary on August 30 if we are pregnant or not! Total and complete bummer!

I told the Dr. that it was hubby's birthday and he did not say not to 'celebrate' but he did not say to 'celebrate'... We took it into our own hands. :-)

After a nice long lecture about Octomom and the rumored lady preggo with 12 babies {Which, BTW, is all a hoax!} I informed him that I was not in it to obtain celebrity status and earn money off of my babies... I just wanted a little family that was MINE! It seems that that is just too much for me to ask for!

So the game plan? He said the big 'C' word in the Infertility realm... Cancelled. Cancelled all becuase we would not even consider selective reduction. This cycle was cancelled. No more monitoring. No more medications, especially not the Trigger shot. I begged. I pleaded. "How about we do that whole "coasting" thing that you mentioned the last time??" He agreed.

My Rapid E2 came back at 3,950. This is much lower than originally thought. He suspected it would be upwards at 6,000-7,000 ranges. I'm glad he was wrong there...

But. I have thoughts about as to why my E2 is not higher than he would have thought. Did I ovulate an egg or couple prior to the E2 draw? Are there not really eggs in the follicules? Are my follicules not mature enough for fertilization?

So. I am to go back today for another ultrasound and another Rapid E2 draw... If the Ultrasound reveals that some of the follicules have shrunk or re-absorbed into my body and I only have a reasonable amount of mature follicules, I can trigger. Also, this is based if my E2 has gone down significantly... Whatever magic number that happens to be.

To be honest. I really do not want to Trigger, if I'll ovulate on my own. I don't know if I will or not though. I've read several places that on such medications as Follistim, you do not ovulate without the Trigger shot. I've also read differently... All I know is that I had OHSS when my E2 was "well over 1,000" that I can only imagine how I'll feel with an E2 this stinking high!!!!

So that's where we stand. We have officially "come out" in regards to our second, secret, injection cycle...