Sunday, November 17, 2013

Weaning.

I dread that word. I have a knot in my stomach thinking about it. The last time I hold Little Miss in my arms and she nurses to her hearts contentment. The last time I can use nursing as a source of comfort. The last time she proclaims she wants "ninny". This thing called weaning hurts this mommys heart!

I can't even write that without crying....tears rolling down my cheek.

We spent several days in Georgia to see a specialized dentist for her and while there she went three whole days without nursing. She's gone a day before here and there. Two days, I was shocked. Three, I thought for sure she had weaned. I laid in bed, crying. I went to Charles to console me. I remembered the last nursing session. I actually tandem nursed the girls and looked upon them as they bonded together holding hands and making eye contact. Done?!

And then Little Miss got sick.... I was heartbroken. Nursing was her go to comfort and hydration. And then she asked to nurse. I obliged.

I {mostly} happily nursed her through the illness and she has recovered! Today marks day 1 of cutting another nursing session for her. She now only nurses upon waking for the day. At 7am when we hear the clock chime, to be specific. She asked many times to nurse today and I continued to remind her of when she gets to nurse again. Nursing is definitely so much more than nutrition (and yes, she is still benefitting nutritionally speaking too!). She needs lots of reminders that Little Sister is a baby and can't have all the good food she can which is why she gets "ninny" whenever she wants.

I have decided this final nursing session will be hers to end when she wishes. No, I won't be nursing her until college though if I did she may score higher on her SATs! Just kidding! I will savor each morning she does though.... One of the few times she asks me to "hold her like a baby and nurse". My baby that she will always be. The only time I still glimpse some baby in her is when she is nursing. I don't put diapers on her anymore so nursing is the final baby stage straw for her. The baby that made me a mommy on Earth (she has big sisters/brothers in Heaven). My baby girl, growing up...

When I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to nurse. I never thought I would nurse past one year. To be sitting at three years and almost one month is crazy! I am proud of our nursing bond and hope I have the same with Little Sister! Now if  only I could control the tears when it comes to breaking this bond. I will miss it. The power of the breast. Just today, Little Miss hurt her elbow and declared she needed "ninny" to make it feel better.

Parenthood truly is a life filled of bittersweet moments. With each milestone comes sadness of what once was yet excitement of what will be.

Where's that box of tissues???

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