Friday, April 6, 2012

Naive' emotions

Officially in our first two week wait trying for baby number 2... I have so many feelings about this cycle. Feelings of hope that maybe, just maybe, we will be one of those couples that gets pregnant the first cycle trying.

Then I feel like a hyprocrite. If we get pregnant on our first cycle trying, does that discredit all my infertility feelings? When talking to other IFers, have I lost all credibility for empathy or would our initial journey still count for something?

I do not want to ever forget the feelings of infertility. It is apart of me, will always be. This cycles success or not.

Of course I want this first cycle to work out... I want to see two pink lines. I want to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time in a couple weeks. I want to deliver our baby just before ringing in the New Year. I want to see Little Miss meet her baby sister/brother for the first time.

I have fleeting moments of just knowing that this cycle worked and then I am brought back to our reality of PCOS diagnosis and fear the past will repeat itself.

The roller coaster ride continues...

3 comments:

Leslie said...

Best wishes to you!! I hope that you see two beautiful lines in less than two weeks. I do not think getting pg on your first cycle discredits anything you have gone through in the past. I will be looking forward to hearing updates!

Erin A said...

Praying for you! How awesome would it be to gave both our babies so close!
I know how you feel. I feel like our year long struggle for Eden got completely erased when we got pregnant without trying this time. I feel like people resent me and think that because I was blessed so quickly a second time that it negates all the struggles and heartache I went through with Eden and I just can't possibly understand anymore. I feel like I don't fit in with anyone anymore but this is Gods plan and I perfectly okay with it.

Aly said...

Oh boy, I hope having a natural pregnancy doesn't discredit your IF struggles. If so, I'm in some serious trouble. :) In my case you have to stop trying and NOT want to get pregnant in order to actually get pregnant on your own HAHAHA! Good luck, I hope you see those two pink lines this month. Anyone who has struggled with I DESERVES at least one easy conception :)