Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day Upon Us, again.

Six years ago, Mother's Day was a daydream of what I one day hoped to have. A day I spent with my mom and brothers, thankful for our mom. A day that other than buying a card and small gift for my mom, I did not put much self thought into.

Five years ago that all changed...

The first Mother's Day came and went in 2006. We had been trying to conceive our first for just four short months. I just knew the following Mother's Day I would indeed be a mom. I laugh now at that.

Each passing Mother's Day was more emotionally taxing than the last. Each passing holiday was filled with mixed emotions. I was thankful for the years I was able to spend this day with my mom as not to focus of my lack of being a mother myself. When alone though, those feelings crept right back to the surface and took over.

Mother's Day 2010 I was right at 12 weeks pregnant with our Little Miss. Excited. Fearful. Trying to remain optimistic yet cautiously doing so. This was a new set of feelings.

I was told over and over and over again that I was a mom... Pregnancy made me a mom. In that aspect, I was a mom back in 2006. Sadly, miscarriage took that baby from me. I received first Mother's Day cards. I kept those cards, hoping for the best.

Mother's Day 2011- I am a tangible mom. I have held my child in my arms.

Mother's Day is different. Especially this year. Many emotions come flooding back as I reflect on where I was and where I am now. Our journey through infertility brought us here. I thank God for each step along the way as how else would Little Miss have come to us?

I also reflect on my mom... Our relationships up and downs. The daughter I have not always been yet want to be. The mother I always want to be. The granddaughter I should have been and now it is too late.

Mom, I hope Mother's Day is just another day to you. I hope you do not need some Hallmark holiday to know that you are so very special and loved by me, your daughter. I thank God for allowing you to be my mama! I love you mom!

1 comment:

Lynn Roberts said...

You just couldn't let Mother's Day go by without making me bawl could you? I love you Meghan Ann!