Friday, February 4, 2011

Spoil vs Nurture

I do realize this is debate words I am speaking on... Oh well. :-)

The comment has been made that we are "spoiling" Little Miss by not letting her cry it out for naps/bedtime and meeting all her needs when she announces it the only way she knows how to, crying.

She cries when it is necessary. Like when I have to go to the bathroom and she is bored of playing on her floor mat. I hate to hear the cries but it is a need I have and a want she has. I go immediately to her when my need has been fulfilled and I then meet her want.

She, just like all babies, have their distinct cries. She fusses more when she's just bored. She has a cry of just wanting to be held sometimes. She cries a serious cry when it's eatin' time or she's ready for her mini nap. Those are the reasons she cries. She has a need that needs meeting and crying is the only way to communicate with us at this time.

I have read and been on both sides of letting kids cry it out versus nurturing their every cry. Nurturing Little Miss' every cry is our way of parenting. It works for us. She is a very happy baby who knows she can count on her mama and dada to take care of her when she announces a need by crying. If this is "spoiling" Little Miss then put me down as doing just that! :-)

We will raise her expecting her to use manners, just as we do. We hope that she is a polite child who respects others and is caring and compassionate. We too want her to be independent and successful and driven by her dreams of doing big things in life. I believe when we nurture her by meeting her needs, we are raising her to be just this type of person. Someone who will too nurture others just as she was nurtured from the moment we learned of her growing in my womb.

Food for thought...

To "spoil" is to neglect. An apple doesn't spoil because you've taken great care to preserve it well. It spoils if you leave it untended and uncared for.. then it becomes rotten. Thus, to neglect a child's physical and emotional needs as well as neglecting to teach proper behaviors and manners is to spoil them rotten.
~ Michelle Cannon posted this and I could not agree more!

What is/will be your parenting style??


Stephanie said...

Yep those sure are debate words! I personally agree with your style, but I have known others that do the whole cry it out method and are fine with it. In the end we all have to decide what is best for our child and our family. No one family is alike and no one method will fit everyone perfectly.

mom said...

I held the living daylights out of all 4 of you kids! I figure if God didn't want you to hold them, He would have made babies bigger! Even with Ryan who cried all the time, sometimes I had to go outside and let him cry, just because I was so exhausted and frustrated, it was a very short break! Babies were held 100% of the time while in mommy's belly, so just makes sense to me that they'd still need to be held a lot.

Annie Kates said...

First of all, she is far too young to cry it out. Whoever told you that should do some more research.
I try to always meet my kids needs. I have never let them "CIO." There have been times, when they became older(close to a year)that I let them fuss longer in the evenings before bed, but no more than five minutes before going in and rocking them. When I have worked on sleep training in the night, I do not leave their side. I rub their backs and and talk to them until they fall asleep, or are okay with letting me leave the room. My kids are by no means spoiled. Like you said, they cry because that is their only form of communication.
Ultimately, you have to parent how you feel comfortable. I won't judge someone who practices CIO with their kids, but it makes me uncomfortable and anxious doing it with my own children.