Friday, December 3, 2010

Wanting to be beautiful

I look back on our 4 year infertility struggle and can see how much it impacted my self image. I've never been one that is caught up in fashion or makes sure my hair and makeup are always perfect before going out. Heck, I have never worn makeup unless necessary as it irritates my skin so bad. Although not a fashion diva, I dressed nice. Tried to wear nice clothes. When we first started trying for a baby, I felt womanly. I was excited that I would get to do the most womanly thing on earth. To have a baby. As the years went on, I felt like my womanly nature was absolutely gone. I began wearing t-shirts and jeans/comfy pants only. I should have just been a man for goodness sakes. I couldn't do the one thing God designed women to do, to be a mother. I could have cared less how I looked as it matched how I felt 99.9% of the time.

Throughout my pregnancy I felt beautiful. I certainly did not look it, but I felt it regardless. I was on this high of feeling her move inside me. Knowing this body that I once believed would never function properly for me to experience it, was indeed working as it was designed to. It's crazy. Even though I sprouted hair in places only men should, stretch marks happened, and my voice even dag gum changed, I felt beautiful.

Postpartum, I still feel beautiful- inside. Knowing that my body successfully carried to term a beautiful baby girl and delivered her amazingly puts me right back on cloud 9. I am so in love with being a mommy. I feel absolutely great. I want to feel beautiful outside too but gosh I need help! I want my husband to have "that look" when he looks at me like he did early on in our relationship. I don't want Charles to ever have reason to call me frumpy again. I want this extra hair to go away. The stretch marks I actually am not that bothered by. They remind me of the beautiful pregnancy I had. I want to put on clothes and feel beautiful outside too. I want my uterus to hurry up and get back to normal size so my tummy will stop being so jiggly. I want my hormones to regulate and my skin to clear back up. I know most of this takes time... I'm trying so hard to be patient but it's hard.

So I come asking for my fellow blogger friends, help! What are your tips and tricks for feeling beautiful outside as you do inside?


Kristen said...

Eat healthy. Take your precious baby girl on lots of walks (for her enjoyment and your exercise) . . . wear as much makeup as makes you feel pretty and your sensitive skin will allow. Do your hair. Take time to make yourself feel pretty. Don't spend all day in your jammies. Get dressed every day preferably earlier than later. Having a 'beauty' routine of shower, hair, makeup, clothes will help make you feel beautiful. :)

Michele said...

Honestly, the last few years killed me. Infertility, then loss... The whole thing changed everything I felt about myself. It wasnt until May, when I decided to train for a 5K and then a triathlon that I was able to show my own broken self esteem that my body COULD do something that I noticed a huge change.

Michele said...

Oh, and I dont wear makeup. Peter hates it, so I dont even bother.

Annie Kates said...

I agree, the best thing to do for yourself is to make time for you. Do a face mask, paint your toenails. Try some yoga for relaxation and to get re-centered.
Go get your hair cut, maybe a new style. Buy yourself some new clothes. You probably haven't purchased non-maternity in quite a while.
Don't fret about your body. It will never look the way that it used to. While I lost all the weight, I still have the mama "pooch." It may never leave and I have come to accept that.
I am sure that Charles looks at your body in a completely different way now. Now he can admire your gorgeous body for the miracle that you two created. Madelyn grew within you for 10 months, you gave birth to her, and now you nourish her. Things sag, stretch and pooch. Charles is an amazing man who, I am sure, loves you and your body more today than he did back when you first met.