Saturday, November 21, 2009

Lowest of the lows.

Ever want to talk to someone that truly understands? The aches and pains infertility brings. That common bond is amazing and in a selfish way comforting.

Well I need someone. An infertile. Someone that has not moved 'to the other side'. Thankfully everyone I personally know that has delt with infertility is now a mommy. I find encouragement when I talk to them that miracles still happen. This I am thankful for.

However this is not what I need right now. Tonight. Tonight I need someone who still has fresh wounds. Still has the deep heartache to be a mommy. Someone that finds themselves crying with both happiness and sadness with the news of a new baby coming into the world.

I need an infertile sister. Someone that I do not need to bring strong for but instead I can cry too for my own pain.

I just want to feel like I am not indeed the only woman on the face of the planet left childless.

Sorry to be depressing. It has been a very emotionally taxing day. Off to bed now thankfully.

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7 comments:

Jennifer Wempe said...

I hear you loud and clear! Today is my 35th birthday... I know it really isn't a magic number, but it sure as hell feels like it. I prepared myself for a meltdown, but so far only a little bit of childless bitterness. I can't wait to see what crazy hormonal emotions Aunt Flow brings in a week! Sigh... e-mail me if you like... ferfdom at insightbb dot com

Nicole said...

I think we all completely understand what you're longing for: Someone you can vent to who won't talk about the light at the end of the tunnel or want to infuse hope, but rather just let it be crappy that you [both] are experiencing childlessness.
I'm sorry you had a rough day. Hopefully tomorrow is a lot better. We are always here for when you need that someone to talk to :) That is why I started blogging- because I needed to be able to talk to people who get it.

Courtney Boyle said...

Anytine you want to talk to fellow infertile just sent me a message. I loved your post as that is how I have been feeling all week. Every night I have been going to bed early because I don't want to deal with my emotions anymore. My husband is tired of it. I'm tired of it but I just can't let it go. All around me people are having babies - even my spec ed students! Every day I ask why I am the one who bears this curse? Why I am the one with no tubes, bad eggs, failed IVF's, no hope left that I'll ever carry a baby unless we win the lottery? Even though I'm excited about adoption and such everyday I long to carry a baby in my belly. I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way but know you are not the only one out there feeling this way. Not everyone is pregnant and happy. Not everyone has gotten their miracle ending.

Traci said...

I so understand. I have been feeling the same way and it's so hard to pull myself out of it.

I think my friends (who are all Mommies) are tired of my ttc journey. Initially they were all supportive, now they are just bored with it and tired of my broken heart.

They don't understand when I need to take a break for a month or two. I get the "don't give up" speech and it's meant in a helpful way, but it pours salt on the wound. Sometimes I just can't keep feeling what I'm feeling and need to regroup.

I'm here whenever you need me.

Infertility sucks!

Jessica said...

I would still love to meet you and be your infertile sister. I am in Texas until sunday night but I would love to meet up with you when I get back home. I don't personally know anyone else dealing with infertility either. Please e-mail me jrj013@hotmail.com
and we can meet up.

Making Babies said...

Megs, you dear you have me in tears now. ((HUGS))

Michele said...

sending hugs...