Saturday, May 2, 2009

"God Talk"! Surprises! Disappointments!

Today has been a day I have looked forward to for the last few days. Charles brought up the idea to me that we go to the zoo today. :-) He took a half day of leave at work so we could spend the majority of the day smelling, err, enjoying the various animals. I mean, the Zoo here in Saint Louis, Missouri IS Free!!! Yes. You read correctly. FREE!

Backtracking now...

While he was working, I slept until just before 9am. I ate some breakfast and read a little on some blogs while digesting. As I was reading Cathy's blog, she spoke of Adoption and linked to another blog where the couple who once pursued Infertility treatments decided to take a complete turn and move forward with adoption. Their story is nothing short of a "God thing". As one is reading thru, you can see God at work as she writes from her heart.

One statement that stuck out to me is this post. She said, "I had a friend suggest that I go back in my blog to the month this baby was conceived and read what I had written that month." When she did, you can certainly see God's hands at work...

"Dear Elaine,
I know today's news greatly disappoints you. But please trust me. I am at work orchestrating a beautiful plan for you that is far greater than finding out today you are pregnant.
I love you,



They are currently awaiting the birth of their daughter whom the birthmother is carrying in her tummy while Elaine carrys the baby in her heart... It is amazing and encouraging to me that God was perparing their journey many, many months ago without any realization at all.

So, how this relates to the blog title.

God always seems to talk to me, or shall I say I listen best without distractions, while showering. This morning was no different. I was thinking about this particular blogger, Elaine, and wondering what God has done in my past that I would look back on and go "Oh yes. I now see that and why He did that..." It was at that moment that I was given thoughts/questions/statements. I was overwhelmed.

Perhaps God is waiting to bless me with a child once the first of three books I am writing is completed. This way, I will write from cover to cover, experiencing first hand the daily trials that Infertility brings. You see, this book is very special and dear to my heart. One that I hope not only continuously encourages me but also others who find themselves on the journey to become parents.

It was immediately after this thought/question/statement that I was given hope and a promise. God told me that I will also write a Prengnacy book. Yes. A Pregnancy book. I said, "I'm not pregnant so how will I write this? I mean, who wants to read a Pregnancy book an Infertile who is still without child, wrote?" You see. God will bless us with a baby to call our own.

As soon as I was out of the shower, I called Charles and told him everything! Yes. I even cried. I was/am so overwhelmed and continue to ask myself "Was that really God talking to me??? Really???"

When talking to Charles I told him, and then couldn't believe I said this, but that I feel as though we should stop Infertility treatments until the book is complete. I immediately backtrack, my human nature side, and go wait a minute. Maybe I'm misunderstanding God and we are to continue onwards... I don't know. I just feel that stopping is what we need to do now. We will continue to seek God's will and do what we feel led. This is the biggest step of Faith I believe I have executed since we began treatments as I was secretly (I know, bad me) going to continue forward with treatments in May so that I felt as though I was doing something and perhaps the days would not be so rough.

Do not get me wrong. This does not mean my emotions are completely gone when it comes to still being childless. I am sure we will have plenty of days that are just bad for us. Where we question if we should start treatments again or not. I do know that the day the book is done, unless God speaks to us otherwise, we will be back in Dr. Witten's office asking for IVF! Okay, maybe we'll first do IUI's again but I'm sure IVF will not be far behind.

After hanging up with Charles I called my mom to share the news! She answered, and I could tell she was crying. My first thought was, Grandma! Mom then proceeded to say that she was at the airport...Trying to come see me. I said, "See Me?" She said, "Yes."

*Insert here tons of tears, by her and me.

She said she even had a Chocokate Publix Cake (Oh I was craving one BAD!!!! If you have never eaten a Publix cake before, you're missing out! I've NEVER tasted a cake better nor do I think I ever will...) she was bringing to me! Her and Charles were plotting for the last several days and one reason the zoo became a plan. I was utterly surprised that they both kept the secret from me!!!! Totally shocked.

But the tears were there becuase, thankfully, my oldest brother works for Delta and thus my mom gets to fly for free... Yes. That is thankfully, when there is no problems getting to where you want to go. Such as today though, it sucked. She was bumped off two prior flights and the last one of the day she was number 15, as of then, and only 9 seats were open. It was not happening. She even tried to send the Publix cake with a Flight Attendant who was trying to see family in Southern Illinois but she too, got bumped and went home to try again another time.

So, instead. Mom left the airport, tear filled and a whole chocolate Publix cake that needs to be eaten. I told her to enjoy a few slices for me and Charles... :-(

After learning this, I could not go to the zoo today as I would surely enjoy it but knowning mom should have been there too was ultra disappointing! So no zoo today... We're saving that for a trip when mom and Ray are here the end of May. Ya know. To not-celebrate my birthday and all.

Instead, Charles and I went to the Cheesecake Factory at Chesterfield Mall. YUM YUM YUM is all I have to say! We were sat next to a couple who had a little boy whom we learned was three months old thanks to our waitress asking questions. He was adorable. Then, not long into our time there, the table to our left sat four ladies. It was a mother-daughter event. On top of that, one was OBVIOUSLY nine months pregnant... And the pregnancy talk did not stop there. The entire time we were there they discusses the complaints (her belly itching, blood tests, delivery both where at *St. Johns if you must know* and the preferred method), current children at home (whom they were enjoying eating without their they said) and how many other people around them were pregnant or newly had their children (I was not one of them, obviously).

It was about this time that I ordered a drink. You know. One of those adult drinks that only non pregnant and non nursing moms can have. It was something Gorrilla or another. Delicious! Ice cream, chocolate, bananas, liquor. :-) I enjoyed it, thoroughly.

Charles kindly reminded me that God has bigger plans for us... I was just reminded of these this morning.

December 13, 2008 weekend was the first time God spoke to me in regards to the books. I remember this as this is the weekend Charles' parents were visiting. I was in the shower, yep, as usual, and the idea came to me. I told Charles about it and he thought it was a great idea and that I should pursue it. I then told his parents about it and they too were very supportive and encouraged me to take the steps and see what happens... Here we are, almost five months later with not only another reminder but a slight insight into the big picture.

I just pray that I am not misintrepreting God here... It's my human nature to not only doubt what I do know but to question if it is Him or not speaking to me. All in all though, you can undoubtly expect that I will spend a lot more time than I have been getting this book done with and hopefully published. Perhaps it's a book only meant for me? We'll see what God has in the works...


Michele said...

I feel God talking to me too. I think it's great. Very comforting and it gives me courage in the journey.

mom said...

All the way home from the airport, crying mostly, I kept thinking of the verse, "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose." I guess that includes getting bumped from flights and not being able to deliver chocolate cake to my little girl. sigh......

Kelli said...

Following what you know is God's desire and will for you instead of selfishly doing what your human desire wants to do speaks highly of your faith and trust in Him. Good luck with your book!!

Cathy said...

Oh wow Meghan!! That is big, big news! Thanks for letting me know how much you appreciated my post. I'm so glad it spoke to you - that alone really means a lot to me. I'm so excited about this book of yours!!! I can't wait :-)