Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Blessing in disguise.

Yesterday morning I had my follow up ultrasound with the RE even though the plans were to not move forward with meds this cycle. I just wanted to see what was going on within my body, STILL, as I was still having the occassional cramps/pains and knew that was not normal.

Well, when they did the trasvaginal ultrasound, as usual, I kept saying "Ouch" "This hurts" and it NEVER EVER hurts for me! His first words? "This is why" as he is pointing to the screen and says, "it is a leftover cyst". And it was HUGE! It would have been the perfect size for a mature follicule to release an eggie! It's still hurting but I'm too intrigued by my insides to focus on pain right now. He finds several smaller ones on my left and right ovaries. Said we will not continue with any meds until these go away. This is about when I asked if this was the reason I have only lost three of the 10 pounds I gained in that nine day period... I was told yes and that the rest will go away as these do. Lovely.

His plan? For me to have an E2 level done on Friday to see where it stands and another ultrasound on Monday to see if they have dissolved or not.

Our plans? To call and cancel this cycle all together. It's okay. Obviously my body is needing a severe break from meds...

Although Dr. Witten did tell me that this is incredibally rare and that I should not be afraid of proceeding with medications as they will cut the dosage and watch me more closely now. Thanks. I could have told you that I'm really sensitive to medications... Oh wait. We did! haha! Oh well. Nothing lose except another cycle not pregnant...

I felt at utter peace yesterday with this news. Why? Becuase I wanted something like this to stop us from making the decision yesterday to move forward or not. I needed this. Crazy. I know. So although it's still a pain in the butt, well, vagina actually, it's okay. :-)

Had God not already been stirring in my life, I would have been a basket case yesterday. I would have insisted that we proceed with medications regardless of cysts or not in the hopes of getting that stupid positive home pregnancy test by/on my 25th Birthday coming up in 25 days...

Instead.

I thought about how Mother's day still will not be a day for my celebration but will focus on my mom, Charles' mom, and the mothers around us... It is their day. Instead. We got a whole WEEK! Infertility Awareness Week. :-)

I immediately thought about SIL having her baby, scheduled for May 15 but probably coming earlier due to some potential complications. I was okay. It is okay. This is her day. Baby Allyson will take her first breath and this is nothing short of a miracle itself!

I also thought of my dreaded 25th Birthday happening in 25 days... What a coincidence! I am okay. It's just a number and although fertility begins to decrease naturally at the age of 28, I do not fit into those statistics anyways as we surely should have gotten pregnant a LONG time ago. Instead, I will celebrate my birthday with the attention all on me with my wonderful husband and amazing mom and Ray! I will probably get an adult drink or two as well just becuase I can. :-)

I do feel old though. I notice my fingers have more wrinkles then they once did. And I don't have that young look I once did. I just feel old. It's been this stupid magic number in my head. 25 should have been THE age to have had at least one child by... Now I'm hoping in the next five years I'll have at least ONE child to call me mommy...

But, on the good news front. I went to the dentist yesterday and my theory continues... No cavities for me! :-) What is my "secret"? Chewing gum. Constantly. As in, all the time. But only the sugar free and now ADA Approved! Trident is my absolute favorite gum! I chew about two pieces a day. I start chewing after breakfast and after I brush my teeth. I spit out the gum for lunch and pop in another immediately after... I chew again until dinner when it's in the trash again for the night. :-) I did get my usual lecture though on not flossing enough... I know, I know, I know... But was told my teeth look great and healthy. Thanks Trident!

5 comments:

The Crecelius' said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog...Yeah the changes have been drastic and we also bought a forclosure like you (which can be a lot of work as you must know :)).

I will keep your soon to be pregnancy in prayers...very excited for you!!! I am a licensed Ultrasound Technologist (however I am currently a stay at home mom) and so all of those terms and blood test lingo all make sense to me....I have done many Ultrasounds on women going through the exact same things you are. Once again I will keep you and your soon to be little one in my prayers and Happy Birthday :).

Cathy said...

You are having such a fantastic attitude about this cycle. I very much know how hard that can be at times so you deserve tons of credit!! I'm glad that you went to the Dr though... it's good to know what's going on with your own body and good that he will be keeping a close eye on those cysts.

Michele said...

I'm glad the doc was able to discover the cause of your discomfort (although no pain compares to the pain of IF). Mother's Day was very hard before we had kids and it is still hard now as we celebrate the holiday as orphaned parents. But we try to focus on the positive and enjoy the day for what it is. But it is oh so hard...

Sending you good thoughts and hopes that the next cycle you go through will be THE one.

Kelli said...

I'm so glad God was already working in you and gave you a peace about canceling this cycle. It's not the worst thing to give your body AND mind some time off!

Prayers and hugs!! :)

ps. the word verification is "blessmas" - sounds like it should be a new holiday! lol

S said...

Thanks again for your comment on my blog. :)

"25 should have been THE age to have had at least one child by... Now I'm hoping in the next five years I'll have at least ONE child to call me mommy... " - I hear you, bigtime. I'm turning 27 later this month. The clock's not as bad yet, but I still hear it constantly.

Much luck to you and your husband!

S