Thursday, March 19, 2009

I ovulated.

It's official. I ovulated and I have proof!!! My Progesterone came back at 13.1. Although I had a personal level I wanted to see it at (20 or higher) I guess I will be happy with the fact that I did, indeed, ovulate.

Leaving out all the days details... Let me say that at 1pm ish I was happy after speaking with my RE'S nurse, Mickey, and her enthusiam that this is a good sign. She said that they rate the levels as this...

>3 - confirmed ovulation
Anything in the double digits on a medicated cycle
15 or more once pregnancy is confirmed

So, let's say that I was feeling MUCH better about not reaching my personally desired levels... At about 2:30pm I hit the bathroom, again thanks to this horrid stomach issue I am batteling, and I see pink on the toilet paper. *Gasp* I am spotting. NO!!!! Why spot when my progesterone levels are good??? ARGH! I move on.

At just after 6pm, I'm home, and hit the bathroom, yet again. This time I am greeted by lovely RED spots of blood on my panty! WHAT????????? RED blood that reaches my panty?? Surely it is my period about to start... No brown, which indiciates old blood but indeed red, which is fresh blood. :-(

So, I think it would be a grave understatement for me to say I'm not bummed about this cycle. I'm totally convinced this cycle is a bust. I'm bloated and having diarrhea and am gassy and just don't feel well. Stupid PMS.

On top of it all I'm super frustrated! Why in the world am I have any blood at all when on Progesterone????? Really? I mean, this is just crazy!

I do have lovely friends that try to cheer me up and keep me remaining positive but it's so hard sometimes... Not to mention, I've trained my husband well.

I immediately inform him to not get his hopes up any higher than they already are and when I tell him I'm spotting, he says without batting an eye, "It is implantation spotting". I said WHAT?? He said, why yes. That's what you said happens when you spot... I said not always. he said, "well, in this case it is why you are spotting". Poor, poor guy. :-( He's going to fall hard too...

I just feel so horrible. Why does it have to be difficult for us to do something that so many careless and undeserving drug addicts and child abusers and other undeserving individuals do so easily? Why can't they have one less child so that I can have just one?? I know I shouldn't think this way... Every single child, no matter the circumstance, is a miracle. I know this. I totally get this which is why I want it even more!

It's just a bummerish evening for me. Once hubby gets home, I'm into my comfy bed and drifting into dream world where I am a Princess and my clothes are sorted by colors located in various rooms of my house. Not to mention, I can sleep as long as I please and I have an amazingly comfortable bed...

And for what it's worth- the latest pee stick is up. Why yes. That is a line on there. Yes. It is STILL positive. No. I am not kidding. I was told it takes one day per every 1,000 unites given of hCG and I was given 10,000 so I'm fully expecting that start white negative to appear any day now... And per request, I do believe I will start using my first morning urine starting tomorrow to perhaps get better/stronger results. Yes. I still do have it in me to find the will to pee on a home pregnancy test and hold my breath waiting for it to turn positive...


Anonymous said...

OK...remember you are suppose to remain PREGNANT....Remember the glass is 1/2 FULL! Please stay up beat...If you aren't....there will be plenty of time to be sad/angry/frustrated/miserable. But for now all you have is HOPE!!!
I am thinking and prayer for you and your family!!

Making Babies said...

I know it sucks!!! It blows.... But it so aint over yet!!! I know last week when I was in your shoes, I tried to remain positive. So I know exactly how you feel hun. ((HUGS))

mom said...

Hold on to what God laid on your heart, this is when you have to trust that promise. This is only your first time Dr assisted, you know you CAN ovulate that's a plus. IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!! (besides, a lot of women spot when they are pregnant, so the fat lady hasn't sung yet)

Anonymous said...

My dear, sweet Meghan. I hate to hear my ever upbeat friend sounding so defeated. I love what your mother should def take her words to heart. She is a very wise woman.

Love you and praying for you!