Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Let's talk.

Yes, I am going to write this as though I am sitting and having tea with you during a beautiful afternoon in the early spring and imagine all the beautiful flowers and trees starting to bud. (One thing I will leave out in my imaginary picture is all the stinking pollen we currently have here in Georgia that is making my green car YELLOW!)

So, topics include the AMAZING thing that happened this weekend... Um, Graduation is officially 11 weeks 4 days away. Um. Oh and yes, and a little conversation on now that we are out in the open about our struggles with getting pregnant and such I DO NOT want people to feel as though they have to walk on egg shells around us.

K, so first off, the amazing only God-coordinated thing that happend this weekend... A bit of background first. Back about two years ago, I was in a bible study with a few other gals. One, Jamie, who I learned has been struggling with infertility for a few years now. She mentioned her Dr. and how amazing he is and how I should go see him. Well, that's when we were not really trying/not preventing type thing. My gyno SUCKS (Keep reading Cindy before you get upset and disagree! LOL) when it comes to talking about getting pg but wonderful for the whole gyno stuff. He's so easy to talk to. Makes you feel somewhat comfortable in such an uncomfortable situation. Anyways, like I said, he's horrible when it comes to getting pregnant and running tests... It's like putting teeth, and I'm not a dentist! So, this past weekend was a very tough weekend for us. At church on Sunday I felt the need to go talk to someone and the persons who greeted us happened to be our pastor and his wife. We kind of gave them the lo down on all that's happened and she asked if we knew anyone who could relate to what I was going through. Well, I told her the only person I could think of was Jamie and I had not spoken to her in ages (even though she lives in my neighborhood about three houses down and around the corner! LOL) So, she says I should give her a call.

We left Sunday. I did not call. Monday afternoon I get a phone call from, yep, Jamie! out of the stinking blue!! We talked. I asked if she had talked to our pastor's wife and she was absolutely shocked so this was nothing but an act of God! it's like God was saying fine you won't call so I'll have her pick up the phone and call! LOL We chatted for a bit. I got her Dr. info. And that was it.

When I was estatic about the events that just took place, my husband came walking through the door and although excited, he does not show it as I would wish him to. So, i called someone who would! LOL i called my mom. She was excited with me and although excited, reminded me that this may not necessarily me getting pregnant right away but God's way of showing me He had not forgotten about me... I thought that was so sweet and so true! So either way, I'm taking it as God has NOT forgotten about me although at times I may think so...

K, so although that is super duper excited I called today and the first available time was NEXT Monday just before my second acu appt. :-) So, it should be a great day!

Onto other topics... It has come to my attention that now that people KNOW what we've gone through and struggled with, it's become a taboo word to say "baby" or "family" or "kids" or "pregnant" or any other type of words. This is the last thing I want! I am not at the point where I see a baby or a pregnant woman and I just cry. I may be there in five years if we still don't have kids but I am not right now. I will be honest and say that although I am excited to hear of a baby coming into the world, I just about always have a mini pitty party for myself, but only after I bask in the excitement of a fellow woman sharing this joyout news! It's exciting for me to walk into the baby section of any store and just look or even (shhh, don't tell Charles! LOL) buy a little something for the reminder that one day, it will happen to me too. Yes, I have a baby stash already and SO many cute little gender neutral stuff!!!! :-) I am still nanny'ing and now that I'm working at the Y, I am around a lot more kids and I enjoy this. I still volunteer in the church baby baby room when they need me and I enjoy this. I get to cuddle and enjoy the sweet smell newborns naturally have and I would not give it up. At least not right now. One day Charles and I will have a family... I don't know if I'll give birth to our kids or we'll give birth to them via our hearts. Whatever God has planned. Until then, please do not feel the need to walk on egg shells around us during this time in our lives. Thank you for thinking of us, but I don't want this heartache for us to jeopardize any feelings that anyone else has.

Oh yes, and also wanted to add that since Graduation is quickly approaching I'm sure everyone is looking to find the best Graduation present they can for me, the one that was never supposed to finish school or even go as, ironically enough, I was supposed to be pregnant when I got married or at least have three babies by now thus not allowing me to finish school. haha! Boy will I prove SO MANY people wrong the day I walk across that stage and accept my diploma for completion of my Bachelor's Degree in Human Service/Management... And I must add that I'm always up for any donations when it comes to Ovulation Predictor Tests (The Answer Brand please), Home Pregnanct Tests (anything but the Dollar Tree/General as they give HORRIBLE Evap lines), and um, gift certificates to massages, facials, or even now acupuncture. :-) haha!

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