Thursday, March 13, 2008

"Don't worry... You've got PLENTY of time..."

So, this is how the conversation usually goes as I have heard it over, and over, and over, and OVER again!!!

Both: "Yada, yada, yada..."
Them: Wow, you've been married for several years now... Any kids?
Me: No. Not yet. We're waiting a bit longer.
Them: Oh great idea! You're still young and have plenty of time...
Me: Yeah, I guess.
Them: Enjoy this time while you have it without kids!
Me: Yeah, we're doing just that.
Them: If you really feel the need to have kids, you can always borrow mine/ours...
Me: Yeah, I work with kids for a reason, thanks.
Them: The option is always open!
Me: Yeah. Thanks.

And that's it. That is the conversation I have had so many times, with both those that know me and complete strangers, that it annoys the living crap out of me!!! Why? Glad you asked as this is going to be an interesting post but I think it's time to get it out in the open... Be prepared to read a long post. Also, to know never to have this conversation with anyone who seems "young" again, k? :-) Thanks, on behalf of all of us in such a situation as this!

*DEEP breath*

Actually, in Jan 2006 when we had had enough of me switching Birth control pills and such due to my such adverse reactions to them, we decided to just stop all together and if I got pregnant, so be it. No worries. Well, in October 2006 I went for my yearly exam and the Dr. suggested I might have PCOS... I had a follow up ultrasound and bloodwork. Before we got the results back, I immediately went to the internet and GOOGLED PCOS and read all kinds of horror stoies and such. Yes, the internet is a GREAT resource but also one that can cause undo stress and anxiety. Well, the bloodwork came back "inconclusive" and the ultrasound came back to show a "string of pearls" around my ovaries to point directly to PCOS. This very day, Charles and I talked in great length about what to do and where to go from here. I had kind of suspected something was wrong as history in my family is VERY fertile and after 9 months with still nothing, I just had a feeling. Anyways, so we talked and that is when I decided to chart my basal body temperature to see if the Dr was indeed right with his conclusion that I do not ovulate. FYI, I do, occassionally. Actually, more often then not.

So, we decided that since statistics are so far against us to go ahead and start actively trying to concieve. Yes, you have read right. We have been trying to have a baby, off and on, since October 2006. In this time, I have had one confirmed very early miscarriage which happened in July 2007. I believe, in my heart of hearts, that I had another in December 2006 but it's only speculation. Unfortunately, miscarriage rates are way higher in PCOSers than others...

Now, in saying this and probably putting to rest what some of you have questioned, I will not and do not want to have ANY conversations about this. K? :-) I do not want to hear any suggestions that your friend's cousin's daughter did to get pregnant. I do not want to talk about what we have tried, are going to try, or are even willing to try if need be. I do not want to be told to "just relax" or tell me to not think about it. I do not want to be sent e-mails about suggestions or anything in the like. If you insist on talking about this you may do so with others and God but please, not me or Charles. I already have a great support system in place from others who are going through the same thing and know the ups and downs of it all... I do not want to hear "you've got plenty of time" as it may be true number wise, but according to statistics one's prime fertility time is early 20's and well, since I'm here and going on 1 1/2 years of TRYING and not working, I just do not want to hear it! I do not want to have to answer the question over and over again, "Are you pregnant yet?" or "What is taking so long?" or even something along the lines of, "Are you EVER going to have kids?" These questions are just flat upsetting especially given the history. I PROMISE you, when we do get pregnant, you will find out, eventually.

What I WANT is to know that when the time does happen, we will have nothing but support and encouragement. I will have my Bachelor's degree completed so that cannot be used against us as does Charles already. Who cares where we live, what we're doing, or any of that! No time is ever PREFECT! When God blesses us with a child, it will be the perfect timing! Until then, we will continue to grow closer together, with God, and strengthen our marriage for when that time comes. We want our child(ren) to come into a loving, strong, and healthy family relationship.

K, so now that that's out there... I hope I did not offend anyone or hurt any feelings. I will say though that if you HAVE gone through such infertility then by all means I welcome your fellow encouragement. Success stories, especially by those who have PCOS are ALWAYS welcomed! It is great to hear about them and know what worked and did not work for you.

1 comment:

Lolita said...

you go girl :) i like it that you didnt want anyone to give you suggestions- like these people who are giving us suggestions not realize that yeah maybe we ve already tried whatever it is theyve thought of..
Ill be 27 this year, ive had 7 yrs of infertility - the hurt, frustration, anger, never really goes away- it just changes.
You sound like you have a very strong, couragious solid head on your shoulders.
good luck with the Bachelor's!