Saturday, February 26, 2011

We're Pregnant {re-cap}

I find it so hard to fathom that it was one year ago today that the $12 First Response home pregnancy test would reveal that we were finally pregnant. That line, the darkest I had ever seen. The first time I would see the word "Pregnant" on the Clear blue Easy Digital home pregnancy test.

Sitting on the toilet, unable to breathe better yet move. Sobs. Laughter. Few words leaving my lips as I reveal to Charles he is going to be a daddy. Hugs. Shaking. Cloudy thought process.

As I type out these words I am reliving those same emotions. That moment I hope to never forget. That same moment I hope to experience many more times. That moment when a blinking hour glass on a digital test seems to take hours to show the words that change lives.

Spending the day in our Ob/Gyn's office. Going for blood work. Having our first ultrasound to reveal a beautiful black dot in the midst of my uterus. The most beautiful black dot I had ever seen... That itty bitty black dot that is now our Little Miss Madelyn Grace. Our miracle baby from God. Our long awaited but not over due gift.

Whirlwind of "to call or not to call" debates. Wanting to scream from the roof tops that we were pregnant yet keeping it a secret until the time was right. Teasing each other as the other spoke on the phone to family and friends dying inside to tell of this great news yet keeping our cool. Coming up with lies, err, stories, to tell to cover up the magnificent truth we were hiding. Planning everything just right so we could forever treasure the moment of telling our parents they were going to be grandparents {again}.

I feel oh so blessed that we have a beautiful healthy little girl that we love to absolute pieces. I feel so blessed that I got to experience pregnancy, childbirth, and now breastfeeding. I am in awe of this life that we first had a glimpse of at a mere 4 ish weeks into her life that was a perfect little black dot on the screen. I thank God every single day for her, for her life, for our life we are living with her.

I have taken my first post partum pregnancy test {hoping} it would bring all these emotions back again with another "Pregnant" result. It was not. Instead, I hug our Little Miss a bit closer and smell her still new baby smell with a deep breath in and live in this moment that is now.

One year has passed and was amazing. I am looking forward to what the next year holds, and each one there after...

Friday, February 25, 2011

This time last year...

...The last day of my "old" life. The last day I would go to bed dreaming, hoping, praying to be a mommy. The last day I would snuggle into my husband's arms before drifting off to sleep with hopeful baby dreams filling my head.

This time last year was also the night I finished the book. One, the first one, in a series I am calling "I Prayed for you". The book that God told me to write. To complete first before He gives us a baby. That book. Now if only I can overcome my fears of attempting to publish it...

I went to bed feeling accomplished. The book was done. My husband had spent the last several hours out celebrating his completion of Air Traffic Control training here in St. Louis.

This time last year was the last day of the rest of our lives...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

One year ago today...

I was down in the dumps and frustrated beyond belief with infertility... I remember having a text conversation with Charles while he was at work and practically begging him to "go knock up someone else but let me be the baby mama".

I was done. I just wanted to be a mommy. That's it. No strings attached.

Charles text me back "I would rather never ever have a child if it meant not having you".

Little did we both know...I was pregnant.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

3 Month Photos!

I'm just now getting around to posting a few of Little Miss' 3 month photo session with Kristine from Kristine Lynn Photography... Why? Well, because Life Happens! :-)

You can see a top fave from the teaser post - here.

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Friday, February 18, 2011

Her Nursery is Complete!

I absolutely LOVE Little Miss' room! {We have since added a white dresser/changing table where it looks blank next to the crib, under the owl picture} It has little bits of my childhood, the books, as well as Charles' childhood, the mobile. It is fun and girly and bright and cheery. I hope she enjoys it as much as I have putting it all together!

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{Photos credit to Kristine Lynn Photography}

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Back from Georgia...

Yes. From Georgia... It has been one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride! I wrote the Homesick post and future dated it to post, thinking I was going to delete it. {I often write posts to get it off my mind and future date them so I will have time to re-read it and usually delete cause then I think it's stupid}

I wrote that post Friday evening.

Not 12 hours later, my mom calls to inform me a long time dear family friend, Jason Moye, died.

Shocker of all shockers!

He was only 25 years old...

He was to be married in April...

He was moving back to Georgia from working the pipeline and starting this whole new life...

He is gone.

Needless to say, without batting an eye we got things together and made our way to Georgia to be with the family and go to the funeral.

NOT how or why I wanted to go to Georgia!

It was an emotionally taxing week, to say the least. I was in the valleys when with the family and remembering Jason. I had a few highs when I was able to do a wonderful get together with a group of long time dear friends and spending time with my two younger brothers and our parents.

I still find it so surreal that Jason died. I thought by seeing his body in the casket and attending the funeral would make it real, but it didn't. We grew up together. His family. My family. All the camping trips. The tubing adventures. The campfire stories. Impromptu get togethers between our families. Church outings and events.

Jason was such a fantastic guy. While working the pipeline he was in Illinois, oh so close to where we lived. We talked a few times on the phone trying to get together but it never worked out for whatever reason... I regret that.

I am grateful to have known him and to know that I will see him again one day in Heaven. Until then, his family and dear loved ones will remain in my thoughts and prayers as they grieve.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Homesick

"Home is where the heart is", right?

My heart is here in Missouri with my wonderful husband and adorable daughter. No doubt this. While I've embraced living in Missouri and am venturing more and more out of my comfort zone to do all that I can to make this home, I miss Georgia. Not Georgia like the weather and stuff, I miss what Georgia holds. My family and long time good friends...

I miss the spontaneous meals with our parents. Shopping trips with my mom. Sunday lunches with my dad and Jodi. Lazy afternoons with the in-laws. Awkward moments with my two younger brothers. Get togethers with my friends {and that was before we all had kids! I really miss it now not being able to see their babies grow up!}. I miss visits with my Aunt. I miss the church I grew up in...

And now I'm in tears. :-(

I need a Georgia fix. If only I could get over the anxiety I have of traveling 10 + hours in a car with an infant and two wild dogs... And flying is a no-no in my book with these upped security screenings, I don't want anyone patting down my daughter nor her going thru that full body scan! She doesn't need exposing to all that radiation and having all her body seen for who knows what pervs!

I do believe this is the first time I have actually been "homesick" since moving here in July 2008. Wow. Maybe having a child really did change things more than I expected...

I believe moving away from all I've ever known and us beginning a new life together so far from everyone we knew has been a great thing for us! I wouldn't change that. It's our life and we're embracing that. I just sometimes need to go back "home" and am needing it now... Even though it's so stressful.

I would have thought with all the visits from my mom previously and yet to come, and the anticipation of seeing my dad and Jodi and Charles' parents later this month and next month that I wouldn't get homesick. Is Madelyn still young enough for me to blame hormones??? :-)

Ah, Georgia... I hope to be visiting you soon......

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Pumping...

...and dumping.

:-(

So Little Miss has a sensitive tummy. I can't really fault her as Charles and I {more so I} have really sensitive tummies as well. My diet is limited in what I eat as we've learned, the hard way, what upsets her tummy and not.

Peanut butter is one of those foods. Yesterday at the grocery store, I thought I could cheat the system so to say by getting Almond butter instead of traditional peanut butter because oh how I love peanut butter! It was actually Dark Chocolate Almond Nut Butter. I had about 2 TBS of it last night for dinner on a sand which and now, I've been up since just after midnight with severe tummy problems. If I am having this sort of reaction, I can only imagine how Little Miss' tummy would feel!

Thus the pumping and dumping...

Well. I admit I have not actually dumped it... I got about 5 oz from the side she was next to eat off of {she's a one side at a feeding type of girl} with my little hand pump and it currently sits in my fridge labeled "No Madelyn". Can't bring myself to dump perfectly fine liquid gold, err, breast milk.

Anyone want it??? Can dogs drink it?? Anything but dumping it down the drain!!!

Thank God for a mini freezer stash. And of course, she is sleeping very peacefully not waking to eat like she would have done had I too been asleep still... Oh Murphy's Law, how you humor me.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Spoil vs Nurture

I do realize this is debate words I am speaking on... Oh well. :-)

The comment has been made that we are "spoiling" Little Miss by not letting her cry it out for naps/bedtime and meeting all her needs when she announces it the only way she knows how to, crying.

She cries when it is necessary. Like when I have to go to the bathroom and she is bored of playing on her floor mat. I hate to hear the cries but it is a need I have and a want she has. I go immediately to her when my need has been fulfilled and I then meet her want.

She, just like all babies, have their distinct cries. She fusses more when she's just bored. She has a cry of just wanting to be held sometimes. She cries a serious cry when it's eatin' time or she's ready for her mini nap. Those are the reasons she cries. She has a need that needs meeting and crying is the only way to communicate with us at this time.

I have read and been on both sides of letting kids cry it out versus nurturing their every cry. Nurturing Little Miss' every cry is our way of parenting. It works for us. She is a very happy baby who knows she can count on her mama and dada to take care of her when she announces a need by crying. If this is "spoiling" Little Miss then put me down as doing just that! :-)

We will raise her expecting her to use manners, just as we do. We hope that she is a polite child who respects others and is caring and compassionate. We too want her to be independent and successful and driven by her dreams of doing big things in life. I believe when we nurture her by meeting her needs, we are raising her to be just this type of person. Someone who will too nurture others just as she was nurtured from the moment we learned of her growing in my womb.

Food for thought...

To "spoil" is to neglect. An apple doesn't spoil because you've taken great care to preserve it well. It spoils if you leave it untended and uncared for.. then it becomes rotten. Thus, to neglect a child's physical and emotional needs as well as neglecting to teach proper behaviors and manners is to spoil them rotten.
~ Michelle Cannon posted this and I could not agree more!

What is/will be your parenting style??

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Why I love...

Video Monitors!
The saying goes, "Don't knock it until you've tried it!" is oh so true!

Once upon a time, I used to think that parents that used these new techy video monitors were just lazy. Why get a video monitor when you can just go check in on the baby for goodness sakes! What's the big deal people!?

And then I used one...

Love!!!

It was our splurge item for our self as I wanted to make sure I got the one I wanted. I stocked all the stores for sales and read a gazillion reviews on all the monitors. I could have cared less about the color part, which is a good thing since the color part really doesn't work too well unless it's daytime. It's the pan/zoom that I absolutely love on this monitor!

As I learned nannying for twin boys who would often scoot and roll about in their cribs, the monitor was stationary so if they happened to move outta sight, you had to go abouts checking on them the old fashioned way- peaking in the bedroom hoping not to get caught. You could still hear them but it was the silent moments that you knew trouble was up!

When I came across this one that scans and zooms, my search was over. Even though Little Miss spends 99.9999% of her naps in the co sleeper in our bedroom with not much room to move about, I have used the zoom and pan feature many times. I have no doubt it was worth the extra bucks just for this feature!

I sure hope it lasts for the upcoming years when she transitions from the crib to a toddler/big girl bed and is in and out of her bed as she wishes. That feature will be great then too!

I love the zoom too and have used it many times to zoom in on Little Miss' chest to make sure she's still breathing when she happens to be taking an uncanny long nap...

This product gets 5 stars from me!